sin - woosan

f o r t y - f o u r

Wooyoung shivered as he neared the street he promised he'd never cross again. It wasn't too cold outside, yet still he couldn't help feel the sharp wind chill him to the bone. As he approached the door, he hesitated before knocking, "this is a stupid idea," he muttered, yet still he knocked.

It took a few seconds of pure dread before he heard shuffling behind the door until it swung open, "Mings! Did you forg— Wooyoung?"

San looked at him with wide eyes, it was evident that the man was drunk, Wooyoung detecting the smell off him and the way he could barely stand straight. He grimaced and wished to turn around, but instead he greeted, "hi San."

"What are you doing here?" He heard no hostility in his voice, just plain curiosity, with a twang of pain sprinkled in it.

"Not gonna let me in?" Wooyoung dodged the question.

"Oh, yes!" San moved quickly, giving Wooyoung way to pass by him and into the apartment. Not much has changed since he last came, just this time there was a pile of beer bottles and open snacks around the couch. "It was much worse before, Mingi came over and helped clean this place up..." he mumbled, not really facing Wooyoung again.

Wooyoung's eyes studied the place further, a ghost of who San used to be remained. It seemed that he really had lost himself to alcohol and the hurt he was going through that even the essence of the put together man he knew was barely visible. He turned to San and eyed him carefully, the dark circles under his eyes, the stress lines on his forehead, the unnaturally pale color of his lips. "What have you done to yourself, Sannie?" he whispered lowly.

That was all it took for San's walls to crumble, so did his facade. Tears quickly followed as he tried to shut his eyes and mask the pain he's been holding in for so long, "I don't know... I've never been like this. I c—" he hiccuped as Wooyoung gradually took a step towards him, encouraging him to speak. "I'm in love with you, Wooyoung, I really think that's what it is I feel for you. I just want an answer from you. All this running away when we both did our part in ruining the future that was built out of us separately, I'm tired of it. I just need an answer, an honest answer. I swear I'll leave you, but I need closure first."

Wooyoung could feel the sincerity in San's voice, probably even more so than the night he confessed. It was as though his feelings were just oozing out of him uncontrollably. He watched as San took in a shaky breath, and how he shut his eyes, bracing himself for the worst. Wooyoung didn't know what to say, or how to feel, so instead he approached San calmly. He took hold of San's trembling hands, making the older's eyes shoot open, "San-ah. Look, I may not have an answer for you yet, but I don't want to string you away. I'm not sure what I feel for you yet, but I'm willing to try this out. I want to give you a chance, but I don't know how much I can trust you because what if you go back to your old ways and sleep around with others while you're with me? I don't want to be scared of that, unable to sleep because I fear you're out in someone else's bed."

San shook his head, silent tears still streaming down his face, "I promise you I'll do everything in my power to make you trust me, I can't lose you again, Youngie." Wooyoung was near tears seeing San breaking down in front of him, he never thought he'd ever see this day. He brought the older's body close, embracing him in a warm hug that they both equally needed. He felt the older shake in his hold, his tears wetting his collar as he held him even closer.

He shushed him, trying to soothe his cries, "I'm here, Sannie. Don't worry, I got you," but unfortunately that only made him cry harder. After a few more minutes of them just standing in the middle of San's living room like this, San sniffled as he pulled himself away from Wooyoung. He tried to show him a small smile, looking away shyly as it seemed that it dawned on him the embarrassment of this moment. Wooyoung giggled despite the other not looking at him, landing a small peck on San's cheek.

San's head whipped back to him in an instant, "we can do that?"

Wooyoung's head fell back as he laughed, "we've done much worse, Sannie!"

San blushed slightly, the alcohol making him grow softer, "well it's just because we're kind of... starting again."

"Is that what you want?" Wooyoung asked, tilting his head.

San thought about it for a moment before answering determinedly, "I wanna do this right, Youngie."

Wooyoung couldn't hold back the smile that etched onto his face, "then let's do it right, San-ah."

San's smile was precious as he hid behind Wooyoung's neck, although he was taller, it was still adorable to Wooyoung that he was so cute while wasted. He's seen San tipsy before, never flat out drunk, and he sees why now, because the San in his arms was not the same San the older liked to portray.

They ended the night cuddling in San's couch, whispering about as the movie played on. This felt nice, Wooyoung has never been over at San's just to talk. Their night always ended with San inside him in some way, so this was different, but it was definitely a good different. With San snoring on his lap, and Wooyoung's fingers racking through his hair, the younger's heart bloomed with the possibility of them working out, this time starting on the right path. It didn't take long for Wooyoung to fall asleep there too, it was comfortable being together, but ultimately they both complained about their backs hurting the next morning.