Three days pass by with me in bed, I get up to take a shower and then go back to bed. I don't want to eat, but I force myself to. Gray, Rhys and Ben check in on me. I appreciate their care and attentiveness.
Today, I decided that I should probably check on my house and get some fresh air in the process. Just because I'm going through some personal stuff, that doesn't mean the world has stopped.
I grab my car keys from the bedside table and for the first time in four days, I set foot out of the bedroom. The house is empty, Rhys and Ben are at work. Gray also had to meet with Noah to work on something.
The weather is a bit sunny, but not too warm. I lift my head up, with closed eyes and bathe in the warmth from the sun. I get inside my car and begin to drive toward my house. I live about fifteen minutes away from Rhys and Ben.
I drown out the noise in my head with some Ethel Cain. I feel like she understands me more than anyone right now. My little house comes into view, and I feel a bit happy. I park the car on the driveway. "I need to mow this lawn," I mutter to myself before I step out of the car. Hyper-independence is one of the trauma responses that I have. I do things for myself by myself. It's not easy for me to ask for help. I did most of the inner renovations of my house. Ben was pissed by how I didn't want to hire anyone, so he helped me with some of the things I needed to get done.
I mow my own lawn and tend to the flowerbeds. I never thought of hiring a landscape company. It's how I am. It's who I am. Ben and Rhys are always on my case about getting someone else to do it, it's just hard for me to do that.
Walking inside my house calms me for a moment. This is my sanctuary, a safe place that I have created for myself. Nothing and no one can harm me here, I think to myself.
I go to the kitchen and get all my dirty clothes in my tote into the washing machine. Afterwards, I get to work, cleaning up all the dust before sweeping it off the floor. There isn't much to be done because I always keep the house clean, but right now– my body is craving to do something. I head upstairs into my bedroom and decide to sort out the clothes in my closet. That activity helps me kill time and keeps my mind from wandering into all the thoughts that are going to drive me insane.
My stomach grumbles, just as I set down the last sweater in my drawer. I grab my phone and head downstairs while I place an order online for something to eat. While I move around the kitchen, wiping down the counter and trying to keep my hands and my mind busy, the doorbell rings.
I walk towards the front door. My heartbeat halts for a moment while my brows scrunch up in confusion. "Hi." the man lowly says.
My voice is caught in my throat while my grip on the door tightens. He is definitely not the pizza delivery guy. Richard Khumalo is standing at my threshold.
"I'm sorry for just showing up like this, but I was hoping that we could talk."
Still dumbfounded, I opened the door to invite him inside. He hesitates for a moment before he steps inside. "You can take a seat," I say gesturing to the couch.
My hospitality kicks in during my shock, "Would you like anything to drink? Coffee or tea?" I offer.
He shakes his head with a small smile, "I'm alright, thank you."
I nod and sit on the edge of the couch across from him, my heart trying to regain its normal rhythm. I look at him as he fidgets. The silence is eating at me and my brain has a million thoughts per minute. The seconds tick by and the silence becomes overwhelming. I clear my throat, "Why are you here?"
Once again he twiddles his thumbs "I needed to talk to you."
"I gathered that."
That shadow of a smile appears again, "You sound like her."
My heart lurches into my throat, it feels like it's clawing its way out. I'm not like her. "I am nothing like her."
"She hasn't been the same since that day she saw you. It was a shock for all of us really." he shakes his head, "I didn't know. I have been married to her for so many years and she kept this – she kept you, from us."
I don't know what to say or how to respond to this. I don't know how to feel. "That woman did not keep me away from you, she left me at the doorstep of some orphanage."
She left me.
He nods, "I understand your anger...what sh-"
"I don't think you understand. Not you nor your wife understand my anger. So please..." I say as I rise from the seat about to ask him to leave, he says something that makes my stomach drop,
"She would like to see you. That's why I'm here. To ask on her behalf."
What the actual fuck!!! She threw me away, she doesn't get to come back into my life. She does not get to send her husband to request that I see her.
"No." I shake my head.
He stands from his chair, moving closer to me, his eyes pleading that I change my answer. Too bad for him, I'm sticking to it. "If you change your mind" he takes out a card from his coat pocket and drops it on the coffee table. "Please, call me."
He then turns on his heel and exits my house. I take deep breaths to calm myself down, my hands have formed into fists on my sides. I count backwards from ten and when I reach one, the doorbell rings. I open the door, revealing the pizza delivery guy. I quickly grab my phone and make an electronic payment. Once I shut the door I place the pizza box on the counter, no longer hungry.
I just go back to my couch and curl into a ball and soon enough, I cry myself to sleep.
YOU ARE READING
Love In Colour
Romance"You see love in one boring shade. Everything is a boring bland grey to you" He whispers to me. His lips dangerously close to mine. His gaze cuts to mine as he continues to drill his words into my heart. "I want to show you how love can be something...
