-If I hear you smack on your gum one more time, I'll smack you to your graduation day.
-CAN YOU TOTS NOT TALK LIKE THIS LIKE ALL THE TIME.
-Can you stop saying it's the end of the world for everything.
-Don't use your phone while your eating with your family or i'll dump it in your starbuck frappacino you basic bitch.
-Don't wear uggs if:
A.It's 30°C
B.It's not snowing
C. If you're not a fucking sheep herder.
-Don't scream in horror movies. It's The Conjuring, what in the fuck did you expect.
-When I hold the door for you, say thank you. You made me waste 2 seconds of my life on your spoiled ass.
- Don't cry when people don't give you what you want, that's life sweetheart.
-Eat anything.
-You're beautiful no matter how you look, stop trying to become a barbie. Bitch hasn't eaten since 1965 and being married to a real-life Ken isn't great either.
Barbie- "Ken?"
Ken: "Yes Barbie, my darling?"
Barbie: "I want to get a college degree and become a successful doctor-astronaut-chef-policewoman-fashion designer-businesswoman-mermaid-catburgular."
Ken: ._.
Barbie: "Ken?"
Ken: -Laughs- "Oh Barbie, you know women can't work, it's a man's world. Now, you're going to make me dinner and take care of our plastic,dispreportioned children for the rest of your fantastic life, AND YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING LIKE IT!!!
Barbie: -sobs and cleans the dishes whilst humming Barbie Girl by Aqua softly-
See what I mean?
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Can you guys give me ideas?
YOU ARE READING
Rant Overload.
HumorRants are my favorite form of therapy (most of this was written in 2015, planning to revamp in 2018)
