Seriously, about 35% of all users in this website are Directioners. I'm not saying they're horrible, but when literally a quarter of the books in wattpad has something to do them, I scream internally. It's not that they're so unrealistic (even though I'm pretty sure all 6 of the them aren't gonna fall for some girl named Angie or Tiffany they randomly met at a concert with 391538 other teenage girls screaming behind or in front of her, wanting to have babies with Harry), it's just most of them are so bland, they feel like you're reading the equivalent of eating bran flakes. Here are problems I've noticed with their fanfics.
-Why do they always start of with "Hi. My name is-". Like bitch I read the synopsis, you don't have to reiterate what you're name is.
-Speaking of names, why do they almost all start with a K?! There's 25 other letters people!
-When all of them fall for the exact same girl, like WTF? There's like 3.5 billion other girls in the world. The chances of that are like a bajillion to one.
-The protagonist is always white. Just white.
-if they're aren't white, there Hispanic. Again, no other race.
-when the girl spill coffee on Liam's shirt, she somehow 'clumsily' falls into him arms. Did that coffee cup magically give you the ability to balance yourself lady?
-Why is the main girl's friend always Eleanor? I'm pretty sure she's too busy fighting for civil rights than listening to the problems of some bipolar, bitchy girl who has a personality as deep a kiddy pool.
-When the girl says orbs instead of eyes like meeting Harry Styles makes her lose it from her vocabulary.
-When her and her friends talk like this:
Some girl with a name that starts with a K: OMG! I JUST MET HARRY STYLES AND HE GAVE MEH HIS NMBR!!!
Her friend: WTF! HOW COME YOU DIDNT TL ME SOONER? OH! I GTG CYA!
Like English has now been replaced by text talk. Good to know
-I look at the comments and this is what I see:
25%: aww, they are so cute!!!:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
10%: Why can't my life be like that?!!?!
10%: Grammar and spelling Nazis. Behold everyone, the fourth Reich.
50%: SMUT! SMUT! SMUT! WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SMUT!!!!!!!!!!!! I WHAT CHAPTER WILL THERE BE SMUT!!!!!!ðß¡ðß¡ðß¡ðß¡ðß¡ðß¡ðß¡ðß¡ðß¡ðßð ðÂÂÂðÂÂÂðÂÂÂðÂÂÂðÂÂÂðÂÂÂðÂÂÂðÂÂÂðÂÂÂðÂÂÂ. These girls are so thirsty, what's why the there's >1% of freshwater left in the world.
5%: Hey, I know no ones gonna read this, but if you would take the time to get ready my story- and the comments to this one are :BITCH! THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU! THIS IS ABOUT IF GEMMA IS GONNA HAVE SEX WITH LIAM OR NAH!!!!!
-When she leaves everything behind to go the England with them, like what? You didn't even say good bye to you're family, friends, and dog named toto that we never got to see at all in the story!
-Parents gone for business trip. NEVER COME BACK.
-When she has sex, finds out she's preggers, gives birth to twins, gets married, and dies of old age with Harry by her side in her death bed all in about 3 chapters....just stop.
-Finds out one of the six is cheating on her, dumps him, and gets back together. 6 TIMES! I see you haven't heard Taylor Swift's music. *cough cough* we're never getting back together, trouble, and Blank Space! *coughs, then vomits violently on floor*
-Throws up once. "I think I'm pregnant." Are you sure it wasn't that burrito from Chipotle that you got?
-Has her period in chapter 30. What, is each chapter a day or something?
- Complains about her appearance. Goes to photoshoot at Victoria Secret.
- Sees Harry staring at her. That's an insult, seeing as in every fanfic, he's always flirting with the elderly.
-All Niall ever eats is Nando's. All other fast food establishment is absolute filth.
-Speaking of Nando's, All they eat is Starbucks and Nando's. Every other fast food establishment shuts down, including Chic-fil-a (much to every basic white girl's pleads for mercy).
-Liam is either allergic or afraid of spoons. Then how the fuck does he eat ice cream and soup? With a fork?
-Louis is always eating carrots. Every he does has to have some carrots involved.
Louis munched on a carrot as he eyed me down
Louis ate a carrot as he winked at me.
Louis indulged on the orange vegetable known as carrot as he gave me a 24 Karat ring to symbolize that we are now married.
Louis inserted a carrot in me before he insert his member.(Why the fuck to people say member, that sounds so much worse than the real word.)
Louis killed my family then went on to raid our fridge for carrots.
Louis bites down on a carrot while we amputated his arm after he got bit by a Selena Gomez looking zombie.
*************************************************************************************
I finally completed this. Took about a week. I'm way too exhausted to say any more. Also, if someone could make a cover for me, that'd be great.
YOU ARE READING
Rant Overload.
UmorismoRants are my favorite form of therapy (most of this was written in 2015, planning to revamp in 2018)
