I need you now.

Chapter 54

"So... Rome?" George asked, tapping away at the computer keys, his eyes scanning the screen as he searched desperately for a holiday we could afford.
"I think Greece might be fun." I shrugged, drying the plates and shoving them on the side with a harsh clink of china on china. It had been 9 days since I had considered leaving George, and we were doing good again. No more smashing things or screaming, no more ex girlfriends sneaking back to the house to sleep with my boyfriend. Just quiet nights in front of the TV with whatever we could dig out the freezer. 

George stood up and appeared behind me, wrapping his arms round my slight bump and kissing my jaw. "Sit down baby girl," he whispered into my ear, his warm breath sending tingles down my spine. "I'll finish the washing up. Why don't you go ask Jasey if she wants to go late night shopping?"

"On a Friday?" I smiled. "She's probably trying to drag Ivan away from all the local bars, god knows that boy needs a therapist. Or rehab."

"Don't be silly, he loves J. He just needs to spend more time with her, if he's as serious about her as he was about...the other one. The one that Liam, um, killed." He swallowed dryly, his jaw tensing as my kidnapper's name escaped his lips.
George had never really forgotten, though he said he had. I had moved on, it was now just a bad memory for me. But it also reminded me of the first time me and George kissed, a real kiss with meaning and lust and love. I could tell the reminder that he was close to losing me was eating away at George from the inside out. 

"I'll go find her. I love you, do you want me to pick anything up?" I blurted out, trying to take his mind off of the subject.
George looked up, smiling. "Just the usual babe. Some more food, toilet paper, basics. Come back soon alright?"
"Alright babe." I pecked his cheek, inhaling his smell of cigarettes and pine.

I stepped out the front door, pulling my sweater closer to my body in the cold September wind. The walk to Jasey and Ivan's house wasn't very far, a couple blocks down the road at most. Leaves crunched underneath my scruffy converse, kicking up swirls of auburn and burnt orange and watching them flitter back down to settle on the sidewalk.

As I arrived, I noticed Jasey's car wasn't there. Weird, I thought. She's usually here.
"Ivan?" I yelled, struggling to push open the door. Leaning against it with all my might, I managed to open it far enough for me and bump to squeeze through.

The house was a mess. Pictures and clothes scattered all over the floor, broken glass lay waiting to be stepped on. "Fuck," I breathed, trying to wade my way through the mess. "Ivan?"

"In here." A heavy sigh replied. I followed the voice to the lounge, to see Ivan slouching on the sofa with his head buried deep in his hands, and several empty bottles of Malibu beside him.

"Oh sweetie." I groaned, sitting beside him and wrapping him into a hug. "What happened?"

Ivan sniffled like a child, rubbing his bloodshot eyes against the soft cotton of my sweater. "Me and Jasey had a fight. A big one. It started off over something dumb, like a text message. She's been moody with me all week, and going out a lot more and not coming back till early hours in the morning. She doesn't leave her phone lying around like she used to, and she doesnt like sex as much as she used to."
I cringed at the thought of my best friends doing the do. "Thanks for sharing the last bit Ivan."

"Sorry." He shrugged. "I'm just worried shes found someone else, you know? I didnt think i could love someone again after what happened with Liam, when he took Charlotte. But then i found Jasey, and she was the most beautiful thing i ever saw. She's perfect, and i love her so much. Truth is, I'm jealous of you and George. I know you two never used to be this close, or happy. I know there was a time when it was all mixed signals and anger, not this amazing apple-pie life you two seem to be living. I mean, you're expecting a baby for gods sake. Its only a matter of time before this little fella is born, and then you'll be pregnant again.  Happily ever fucking after, right? Why cant I have that Bells??" Ivan lent towards me, pinning my body to the arm of the sofa. His eyes were murderous, jealous but still that loving, warm color that made me feel safe. I thought whenever i was with Ivan and George, i could never get hurt.

"Ivan," i squeaked, trying to wriggle out of his grip. "You're hurting me."
He continued to press against me, staring deep into my eyes and breathing heavy, searching for any sign of sympathy i might have for him. Then, before i knew what was coming, Ivan slammed his lips against mine, gently nibbling on my lip and letting out a quiet sigh when i didnt kiss back.It must have only lasted a few moments, but it felt like an eternity. He pulled away slowly, his head hanging until his chin was resting on his chest. "I'm sorry." Ivan mumbled, realizing what he had done. "I'm so sorry Bells."

"It's alright," I laughed nervously, getting up and trying to act as casual as possible, nervously chewing my hair and backing out of the lounge. "I have to go, I'll see you soon Ivan."

I could see the hurt in his eyes and the shame on his face and i waved a quick goodbye and darted for the front door. Slamming it shut behind me, I gulped in deep breaths, barely managing to hold off my tears. I didn't know what to do. Should I tell George and put Ivan in danger, or burden this secret and pretend it never happened? I steadied my breathing and waited for the flush to leave my face and the butterflies to disappear from my stomach. I wasn't bothered by the kiss, Ivan had pecked my cheek plenty of times when he was drunk or it was a celebration. The thing that bothered me most, that was gnawing at my chest and fogging my brain was the fact that


I enjoyed it.