Internet Scales (Patrick/Pete)

37 - Silence

Pete's POV

After the first show, Patrick closed himself off completely. He would rarely talk, he didn't want to practice or eat or really do anything. He just lay on his bed. He felt like he had let us down. But he hadn't, it was our first show and to be honest, we were all crap. I had messed up, put my fingers on the wrong frets but nobody had noticed as nobody knew our music. We could have played anything and nobody would have known. The car ride home afterwords was silent. The music didn't play, I sat holding Patrick's hand while he look out of the window into the night. Joe and Andy and I had played every other day but it wasn't the same without Patrick. Not just because we didn't have a singer or another guitarist but because he brought a sense of authority and pleasure in the room. We all respected him and he made everyone happier. He would often joke around during practice but he knew when to we had to get on and be serious while me and Joe didn't really. We got little done in the week Patrick didn't come out of his room. I had got him more anti-depressants, a few new albums and magazines but I wasn't convinced he was taking the pills all the time and he didn't really seem to be interested in anything.

We were messing around in the practice room and Patrick comes in. His sits on his amp, not saying a word.
"Hey Patrick" Andy says. "How you feeling?" He doesn't reply. He picks up his guitar and starts playing Dance Dance. We all join in. He doesn't sing, just plays perfectly. When we finish, he goes on to Hum Hallelujah. We played for about two hours, perfecting everything. Patrick didn't make a sound from his mouth apart from humming where the words should be. Jesus, even his humming was amazing. After we practice and Patrick had had enough, he told us that he would take us out as an apology. Being the classy little thing he was, he took us to Pizza Hut. He didn't really eat much but paid for everything.

Andy went to bed when we got home at eleven. Me, Patrick and Joe stayed up and watched tv. Patrick still seemed really distant. He was just staring ahead. I tapped him on the knee, causing him to flinch and look at me.
"You alright 'Trick?"
"Yeah, yeah" He says softly. "I'm going to the toilet" he got up and left the room. He was gone a while.
"Where's 'Trick?" Joe asks.
"He went to the toilet" I tell him, looking towards the door, I had expected him to be back by now.
"How long ago?"
"Jesus, Joe. Do you not listen to anything?"
"I'm sorry, I'm tired." I get up, sighing. I look in our bedroom and he wasn't there. He wasn't in the practice room picking quietly at his guitar. He was still in the bathroom. I found him lent over the toilet, crying, having been sick. A fall beside him and grab toilet roll to wipe his mouth. We sit there for a while but he's not sick again. I suggest we go to bed and he agrees. I leave him in our room to get changed and go to see if Joe has fallen asleep. He had. I turn off the tv set and carry him, half asleep to his bed. I get back to mine and Patrick's room and he was sitting where I'd left him, looking in the mirror. He says nothing, just stares at himself.

"Come on, get some sleep" I tell him, turning off the light, he lies back on his bed and within five minutes, is sound asleep.