Internet Scales (Patrick/Pete)

36 - Fall Out Failure

Joe's POV

I still felt a little guilty for making Patrick relapse. I shouldn't have pushed him so far. I should have been the one to go and look for him. We arrived at the pub two hours early. It was fine though, it gave us plenty of time to set up. Andy especially. We got our kit inside and began to set up. There wasn't many people in the pub, just middle-aged men really who we're either watching us scrawny teenagers set up our instruments or ignoring us completely. It was really quiet. Patrick's dad sat on one of the tables with a cola so he could drive us home later. The table was where our drinks were too. Me and Andy had cola as well, Pete had lemonade and Patrick had water. He was never much of a fizzy drinker. It was milkshakes or water for him. Even if he had liked fizzy, he was still watching his weight so he probably wouldn't want any anyway. I plug my amp in and strum my guitar. The men turn and look at us. Patrick looks extremely self-conscious. I knew he would be excited to play tonight but on the other hand, not as all the attention would be on him. He didn't really want to sing in front of people he didn't know but he was pushing himself and we were proud of him.

Patrick's POV

My hand was shaking and my forehead sweating as we were setting up. Pete kept looking at me and smiling to try and comfort me without drawing attention but my heart was racing and there was going to be no way of stopping that. Frick, I didn't know if I had brought my inhaler. I put my guitar down and go over to my dad, still shaking visibly. He points to the chair and I pick up my glass, the water quivering in little ripples cause of my trembling hand.
"Do you have my inhaler?" I ask him, my voice shaking as much as my body.
"Yeah" He tells me. "Are you going to be okay up there later?"
"I'm not sure. But I want to do it for the boys" I sip the water I was holding.

"Don't push yourself Patrick. Just do as many songs and you feel you can. I'm sure the boys will understand"

"Yeah, yeah"

The time was going faster and it was visibly shaking still. Me and Pete were in the toilets. I was washing my hands as he came up behind me. He turns me around and takes off my fedora, doing my hair and then replacing it and straighten my glasses.
"What would you do without me, eh?" he says jokingly.

"I'd still be massively over-weight and sad, or dead" I tell him honestly. He pulls me into a hug, rubbing my back. Even though he was still small, his hug was warm and comforting. I was glad he was there.

"It's okay Patrick. I'm not going anywhere" He tells me. We stand there in silence, just hugging for what could have been five minutes or an hour. The door behind us creaks, it was Joe.
"I'm sorry to interrupt," we let go. "but people are waiting for us to start" We follow him back out and go onto the stage that was about a foot off the ground. I grab the microphone.

"Um... Good evening everyone..." I was really conscious of my voice shaking. "We... We're Fall Out Boy" I look at Andy and nod at him to start playing. We play Sugar, We're Going Down, Dance Dance and Hum Halleluiah. We played them as well as we could and I sang the best I could without my voice shaking and me having a panic attack. There were quiet a few people in the pub now. I was awful. I was looking down while I sang and Pete turned up my microphone to max so people could actually hear me. People clapped after all three songs. Going on to A Little Less Sixteen Candles, I head started racing and my heart pumping and my vision blurring. I stopped singing after the first chorus and my hand fell from the fret board. I couldn't do anything but stare straight ahead. Everyone was watching me which made it worse. Pete took over singing and finished the song, thanked the audience and put down his bass. They all looked away and got back to their conversations. I hadn't moved. Pete came over to me, taking my guitar and handing it to Joe and dragging me to the toilets. I slumped down next to sinks and started crying. Pete sat next to me.

"I messed up. I panicked." I cry. Pete held me and I lent my head on his chest.

"It's okay. You did great"

"Don't lie to me. I was awful. I couldn't play or sing"

"It happens to the best of us. It was our first show"
"But you're better than me and it didn't happen to you"
"Patrick, think about what you've been through the last year. We understand. I know you're very insecure but you don't need to be. You're fine they way you are" I take my hat and glasses off and lay them next to me on the floor. Joe and Andy come and join us. Sitting in front of me. We must have sat there for half an hour at least. We were Fall Out Boy, sitting on the floor of a pub toilet.