Tear in my Heart // Joshler

Øne

**Trigger Warning**

Josh's POV

I was awakened by my mother yelling at me from the bottom of the stairs for breakfast. I sat up in my bed with a groan. I checked my phone to see that Debby had texted me her usual sweet 'Good morning <3's and 'I love you's
I smiled and got out of bed wiping the sleep out of my eyes. I stumbled over to my desk and put my small sad box away.. I didn't like that I could clearly recognize the box. it contained depressing notes and sharp objects. I took the box out rarely, and when I did take it out I never spoke of it.

Nobody but Debby knew about what I did to myself when I was alone at night.
I just happened to be in a bad place last night..

I hate that box but it loves me.

----

Once I finally got dressed and ready for school I headed down stairs and took a bite of my already made cereal.
Lucky charms, One of my favorites. I took a two more big bites of my cereal and kissed my mom on the cheek.
"I gotta run, love ya!" I shouted jogging out the door. My school wasn't that far from my house so I walked every morning.

I walked into the school doors to be greeted by my beautiful girlfriend, Debby Ryan. One of the prettiest girls in the school. She always knew what to wear on a perfect day.

"Hey! I'm glad you're here, I have something to tell you..."
I looked at Debby after closing my locker.
Crap.. Is she gonna confront me about my self harm?!
She thinks I've gotten better but I'm not actually as fine as I seem.

"I was thinking I could take you out to dinner tonight with my friend Jenna! I have something to tell you and it's important.."
Her expression slightly changed as she held her her Books tightly to her chest. She was still smiling, Just differently.

"Yeah of course!" I answered after a minute of staring at her, Secretly drowning in my thoughts. "I think my mom wanted me home tonight but I'm sure she won't mind," I kissed her forehead and walked off to class.

My sleeves were hiding my new wounds from the night before. my demons almost won completely last night.
I may have lost the battle, But I'll definitely win the war.

The day went by fairly fast. I only had one class with Debby and that was 7th period, Last period of the day. We usually left school together and occasionally went to my house.

I left the classroom and waited outside the door for her. She finally left the class with a few other girls. I waited patiently for them to go their separate ways and then put an arm around Debby.

"Hey baby, So when did you wanna hang today?" I asked her after pecking her lips quickly.

"I was thinking maybe 5 or 6 at Ihop." She said returning my kiss.
"Fine with me."

Debby went to her own house after school today. I walked home alone and constantly wondered what she had to talk about with me. And why was her friend coming along?
Should I bring a friend?

It's probably fine. She's probably planning to go somewhere with me and Jenna. What a nice girlfriend.

God I love her

----

When I got home, nobody was home. I checked the time on my phone.
4:30pm
I had at least an hour to get ready.
I went upstairs and threw my backpack on my bed and grabbed a towel.

I got into the shower and let the warm water run down my body, It stung my briefly new cuts on my arms. I hissed in pain.
The dried blood fell off into the shower. My arm was bleeding again.
I quickly washed my body and hair watching the blue wash out of my hair onto the floor of the shower.

I hopped out of the shower and held a small towel to my bleeding arm.
I wrapped another towel around my waist, not drying off completely.

I walked back to my room and put on some boxers with ease, although struggled to slip some skinny jeans on over my wet legs. After I hopped and kicked my legs around for about 10 minutes I checked my phone.
5:00pm
I texted Debby.

Josh: Hey are you gonna pick me up or do I need to go to your house first?

Debbs <3: I'm gonna pick you up, Be there in 20. Be ready!

I put my phone down and grabbed the first shirt I saw and put it on. Fall out boy.
I blow dried my hair and let the waves flow around.

I realized my arms wouldn't be hidden with this shirt so I slipped it off and found another shirt, Long sleeve this time.

It was a flannel I had bought from target because I thought it looked cute.

I headed downstairs and put on my shoes and patiently waited for Debby and her friend to arrive at my house.

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August 5, 2015