Tear in my Heart // Joshler

Seventeen

I woke up with a throbbing headache in my bed. I'm surrounded by my mom and Tyler. My mom is holding a glass of water for me and Tyler's asleep in the chair a few feet from my bed.

"Oh my goodness you're okay!" my mom exclaimed, rushing over to me when she noticed my eyes were open

She hugged me and buried her face into my shoulder
"Why would you try to do that? Joshy please don't do that to me again I love you I promise! Tyler loves you! Debby loves you, Dad loves y--" I cut her off before she could say any more
"Dad?! Seriously? IF DAD LOVES ME HOW COME HE NEVER CALLS TO SEE IF IM ACTUALLY ALIVE AND FINE?" I yelled. I attempted to get up but my mom laid me back down "J,,"

She paused.
I know she isn't saying anything because we both know it's true about my dad. Ever since he left us, It's been hell. He never EVER calls to check up, I can never visit him, and I haven't spoken to him in quite a while..

that just proves my point

"You aren't leaving to go anywhere and if you're going to the bathroom you can't lock the doors. I will bring breakfast and dinner to you and you won't be going to school for the next few days." She finally spoke up.

"Mom I know how to walk I can do shit myself!" I raised my voice towards the end

"YOU AREN'T WELL JOSHUA," she screamed, waking up Tyler. "I CANT HAVE YOU WANDERING THE STREETS KNOWING YOU COULD BE RUNNING AWAY OR TRYING TO FUCKING SHOOT YOUR BRAINS OUT!" she yelled at me, probably forgetting Tyler was in the room.
"I'm- I'm sorry,, I just want to keep you safe, j.." she breathed out. I could see tears streaming down her face.

"Mom I'm fi--"

"Josh! Don't pull those bullshit lies on me! I know what 'fine' ACTUALLY MEANS JOSH IM NOT STUPID AND YOU'RE NOT OKAY" She fell back into her chair and placed her hand on her head "I can't do this"

Shit
"I'm going to bed,, night josh"
she sighed and left

I'm causing so much trouble and grief to my friends and family

I need to just die so I can fucking actually do something right for once

I forgot Tyler was in the room

I'm crying

I'm scratching at my wrists and arms

"Josh?" I didn't hear him

"JoSH! STOP! PLEASE STOP IT!" Tyler pleaded as he rushed over to me.

he grabbed my hands and held them

he looked me in the eye.

I could see the tears rising as he looked at me

"Joshy please," He whispered

he slowly leaned in and kissed me on the lips. his lips are soft and they were just enough to make my tears stop

I'm still shaking so he gets into bed with me

He pulls the cover up and over us, our heads still sticking out, Tyler clung his body to mine and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer

"I'm sorry,, You will be okay soon"

I felt a small kiss on the back of my neck along short warm breaths on me after a few minutes

he's probably asleep

I pulled him closer into me and fell asleep gently

Tyler is my cure

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hEy guys it me again guess what?

it's my birthday !! I had a decent day so it's cool I guess

well anyways I'm sorry the story really sucks ass right now I don't know if I want to continue it it sucks so much I'm not sure I can fix it plus I'm a bad writer so that would make it extra hard.

but yeah I hope you guys have a wonderful day

(my Instagram is @ twentyonespookcake right now but it's normally @ twentyonephancake)

Well yep I'm going to leave now enjoy your lives !

-Jess

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 29, 2015