Tear in my Heart // Joshler

Five

heyy small TW :-[] srry bye

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I woke up to my phone buzzing on my bedside table. I was wishing in my head that it would be Tyler, The tall boy I met yesterday in a school bathroom.
But it wasn't, sadly

It was Ashley

Ashley always knows how to cheer me up, she's really pretty too.. not that I have a thing for her.

Ashley: Hey, you coming to school today? I heard what happened with you and Debby... I can come over and stay with you for a while if you'd like xx

She's such a good friend

Josh: Ahh thank you, but I'm fine I swear.. I should be coming today, see you there?

I really didn't want to go but I did want to see Tyler.

Ashley: Okay Hun, tell me if you need anything <3 xx

I sleepily rose out of my comfortable bed and grabbed a towel.
I wiped the eye boogies out of my eyes and walked to the bathroom, Turning the shower on warm

I stripped from my clothes and hopped into the shower and just stood there under the water for a few minutes. Not any particular reason, Just thinking about life

I washed myself and scratched at my arm where the scabs of my cuts were. They always itched a few days after doing it...

After I was done cleansing myself, I hopped out of the shower and wrapped my towel around my waist, Not drying off completely.

I ran to my room and put on some boxers along with black skinny jeans, and a white long sleeved shirt with an alien in the middle, paired with my plain black converse.

I blow dried my hair and then headed downstairs. Nobody was home so I just headed out to school, skipping breakfast.
It's not like I needed to gain more weight anyway..

I walked to school listening to Panic! at the Disco and ignoring every stranger that walked past me and gave me weird looks.

I was just excited to see Tyler.

I walked through the school doors to be greeted by loud hallways and something that made me want to smash my head into a locker.

Debby and Jenna.

Kissing.

Tears threatened to escape my eyes but instead I just turned my head and ignored them

Debby probably loves Jenna more than she ever loved me anyways..

That's when all the thoughts flooded my mind, leaving me with no escape

My eyes watered and my head pounded

Nobody loves you

Nobody ever loved you

They're just acting because they feel bad for you

Why would someone love a fat loser like you?

Your smile is so ugly!

Why do you even talk? you don't deserve to! Your voice is hideous anyways!

I needed my blades instantly, No time for waiting

I was crying at this point
It's not like anyone noticed though which was good, Until Tyler saw me

I panicked and ran for the door but instead he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the bathroom, Making sure nobody was in there first

He pulled me into a hug and then pulled away and held me at arms length

"Would you like to tell me what happened? I really care about you Josh, I know we just met but I'd hate to see you cry.."

I just sobbed and then pulled away from his grip, running for the door once again

but this time he grabbed my wrist that was cut up

I hissed in pain, grabbing my wrist

He looked up into my eyes, His eyes filled with sorrow
He looked as if he were about to cry

"Jo--"

"I'm into some kinky shit that's all" Then I fake chuckled and then winked at him.

I walked out the bathroom door, leaving him there
He didn't chase after me this time.. Or maybe he did, I was just too fast.

I knew I should skip any more school so I headed to my first period class, late

Everyone shot their heads towards the door and then they looked back down to their desks

I walked slowly to the very back of the class and slumped down into my chair trying to think of positive things,

The only thing popping into my head was a cute tall brown haired boy with floral vans named Tyler Joseph.
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September 13, 2015