Tear in my Heart // Joshler

Twenty One (pilots)

Tyler eventually fell asleep on the phone with me so i hung up. i had a gentle smile plastered on my face that wouldnt go away, i forgot how happy tyler made me and i just pushed him away like that.. 

i set my phone down on my bedside table and looked at the time on my clock

11:56pm

moms still not home

i tried to push all of the suicidal thoughts out of my head. i stood up from my bed and hobbled around until i reached my lights.

i turned on the light in my room, wincing for a few seconds as my eyes readjusted to the bright light, as i had been in a dark room for weeks.

i grabbed a towel along with a dark gray shirt, boxers, and some black skinny jeans with holes in the knees.

i opened my bedroom door and started down the hallway towards the bathroom. i quickly locked the bathroom and took a nice hot shower.

when i got out i whipped hair around and instantly put my clothes over my wet body.

i walked back into my room and put on my roomy hoodie that my mom got me for christmas a few years back, along with some old vans.

i ran downstairs and turned the lights on. i grabbed a bowl of lucky charms and then texted tyler.

"hey ty im coming over so be prepared ;)"

i grabbed the spare key to my house and left into the darkness of midnight. 

it was kinda chilly outside, its only november so its still fall. fall is my favorite season because its not too hot outside and its also not too cold outside, its just right.

i felt safe out here in the dark, most people would be rushing to get somewhere and would be scared, but thats not me.

im different and i knew that ever since my 'dad' left us. the things he said still travel in my head..

before i knew it i was standing in front of tylers house in the pitch black night. i lightly knocked on the door. i waited for a few minutes when i decided nobody was coming to let me in at 12am and i didnt wanna wake up his whole family so i just walked in. i quietly walked around with my eyes completely wide open and my arms stretched outwards, trying to find my way around.

i finally found his stairs and tiptoed up them, which barely helped since im so fat and my fat body kept echoing throughout the entire house on the wooden steps.

i slowly walked to tylers room, opening his door as quietly as i could just in case he was asleep.

his light was on but he was in his bed fast asleep cuddled up with some stuffed animals and pillows.

im not even gonna deny the fact that he is so adorable right now jesus christ

i just wanna go up to him and hug him ugh.

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im sorry im ending the chapter here. ive been changed because i listened to the twenty one pilots song "two" backwards while writing this chapter and i just feel different. everyone says it scares them and freaks them out but to me i saw a whole different world... ill try to put my reaction/what i saw in my head while listening to it in complete darkness at the top of the chapter where the picture thingys go but ill do that later.... you should really look it up,,,, i feel like my entire body has been cleansed but i also just saw my entire life flash before my eyes all at once.. i dont know im in a trance thats never ending.

december 2, 2015