Tear in my Heart // Joshler

Twø

"°"°"°"° = Trigger Warning !!

The ride to ihop was really awkward for me, being the only guy in the car. Debby and Jenna kept looking at each other and then back at me and then looked a little flushed..

Soon enough we arrived at ihop and seated ourselves in a booth near the back. The waitress came and asked us if we wanted something to drink since it would take a while to get our food to us. I just got some water

Once the waitress left Debby finally broke the ice.
"So, I- we have some news to tell you..."

I looked up from my water that I had been blowing bubbles into with my straw, my mouth still on the straw.

Jenna straightened her back and put her hand on the table, as did Debby.

"What's going on?" I questioned

"°"°"°"°

I put my hands down under the table and started digging my finger nails into my skin.

She's breaking up with you

she never loved you

My mind started racing, before I knew it I felt a warm liquid rising from my arm.

"°"°"°"°

Jenna latched her hand into Debby's, Debby didn't move her hand, just clutched Jenna's tighter.

"I'm in love with Jenna,"
My face turned pale.

"I'm coming out to you, I'm lesbian and it took me a while to realize it but when me and Jenna first locked eyes I knew I had something for her."

My head started pounding again and a waterfall threatened to spill from my eyes

I couldn't speak.

Debby tried to reach for my shoulder but I flinched away

"Please don't take this the wrong way, Joshy. I loved you, I still do love you," Debby sighs, "We can still be friends,"

I take another sip of my water then slowly stand up

My eyes starting to water, "So you to are-"
"Yes and we're happy like this" Jenna chimes in and smiles at Debby. "I just hope that we can all still be friends"

"I have to go," I manage to blurt out. I swiftly walk out of the building and start to head to my house.

I didn't realize that I was crying until I could taste the salty tears in my mouth.
Debby had basically been cheating on me with Jenna.

"°"°"°"°

I clenched my arm, digging my nails into it once again and started scratching at my cuts.

I finally reached my house, still sobbing. My arms were red underneath my flannel.

I ran upstairs into my bathroom, closing the door and locking it.

She never loved you! You're so gullible, Stupid!

My head was pounding at this point. I couldn't stop it no matter how hard I squeezed my head, It only made it worse.

I was sobbing quite loudly but I didn't care, mostly because I knew that nobody was home. My mom was at work for at least another hour so I had some time to myself.

I opened the bathroom door and darted for my room. I tore off my flannel and pulled my pants off, leaving me in just my boxers.

I ran over to my sock drawer and pulled out my small box and opened it.

Every time I cut, I wrote a new note, Just in case.

I grabbed the blade and slashed my thigh three times.

Blood was dripping down my leg. I ran back over to the bathroom and started a bath and got in.

The cold water stung my thighs as it hit the fresh cuts.

The water was now red.

Soon enough I stepped out of the bath and drained the water. I put a bandage on my legs and my arm and wrapped them up.

I wrapped a towel around my waist and headed to my bedroom and whipped the towel off. From the look of my window, It was probably night time now.

I slipped on some new boxers and hissed at the pain as they glided over my new cuts.

"°"°"°"°

I grabbed my box and returned it to its usual place, The sock drawer.

I yawned as I walked over to my phone checking if I had any notifications and plopped down onto my bed.

Of course the only people who texted me were my mom and Debby.

I was too tired to read anything so I just closed my eyes and drifted into a deep sleep.

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Hey guys! Sorry if it's not good but I just got into a writing mood and so here you go :-) I'm gonna try to keep updating.

August 14, 2015