THE CROWDED MARRIAGE

Chapter 32

Filoah Anne Romero
-present-

No one deserves pain.

That's what I've come to know after everything that's happened to me... throughout my whole life. I was abandoned by my own family—by my own mother. I didn't even do anything to her but she left us. She left me. And I blamed myself for that. Maybe I was not a good kid. Maybe I was a mistake for her, that I shouldn't be born in the first place.

And then, losing the man I gave everything to, walking away with a heart that still aches. I also blamed myself for that because I was the one who ended the relationship.

It took me all of that to finally realize... pain shouldn't be anyone's price to pay for love.

I've been blaming myself my whole life, making myself believe it was all my fault, until I finally forgave myself. I forgave myself for always making things harder than they had to be, for blaming myself for everything.

While accepting and forgiving myself, I've started to love my life again.

I just love this life, even though there are a lot of times that it forgets to love me back.

"Hi, FIloah! Did you eat and drink your medicines?"

Nawala ang focus ko sa screen ng laptop nang marinig ang familiar na boses.

It was almost 7:00 p.m. I knew it was Theo right away. He always comes to my apartment right after work.

"Syempre hindi, nagsusulat ka na naman buong magdamag."

I just smiled. He knows me better than I know myself.

"I was about to eat and take my meds. Patapos na rin naman na ako sa chapter na sinusulat ko."

I stood up and took the plastic bag from Theo's hand. I already knew it was food na para sa akin.

"Sus, hinihintay mo lang ako palagi kasi alam mong may dala akong pagkain."

Tumawa ako ng mahina nang makita ko ang pagkain. Lahat ay healthy foods.

"Wala ba akong cheat day?" tanong ko habang nilalabas yung mga pagkaing binili niya para sa akin. For sure masasarap ito at mukhang mamahalin. Nang una talaga ay grabe ako makatanggi dahil nga sa mukhang mamahalin ang pagkain pero natalo pa rin ako sa pamimilit ni Theo, itatapon na lang daw niya kaya wala akong nagawa. Sayang kaya!

"Wala, kaya nga masasarap pa rin binibili ko para sayo. May vegetable salad din diyan," sabi niya. Nakita ko pa siya na sumilip sa laptop ko habang nasa lamesa ako at hinahain ng maayos yung mga pagkain. Kumuha ako ng sapat para sa akin at tinabi sa ref yung alam kong hindi ko mauubos.

"TInuloy mo na yung epilogue?" tanong niya pa habang may binabasa.

"Huwag mo basahin 'yan, draft pa lang 'yan at super gulo."

Tumawa lang siya. Kinuha ang square pillow at nilagay ito sa lap niya habang binabasa pa rin ang nasa screen ng laptop ko.

"I like this. Para akong VIP reader mo. Literal na ako lang ang pinakaunang nakakabasa ng work mo. Imagine my fan boy side before, he would be so happy to be in this position."

Naiiling na ngumiti na lang ako at hinayaan siya.

"Kumain ka na?" tanong ko at saka umupo sa upuan para magsimula. Madalas kasi ay sumasabay siya sa akin dahil lagi talaga siyang dumederetso dito sa apartment ko pagka-uwi galing work. Kulang na lang ay dito na siya mag rent.