THE CROWDED MARRIAGE

Prologue (Book 2)

Ivory Kyson Mortimeroz

Filoah died...

That was all I could remember. The first woman I'd allowed myself to trust again since my brother died long ago.

I kept telling myself I wasn't the naive Ivory I used to be... that I should understand why this happened, because she was sick, and it was inevitable.

So why do I still feel abandoned all over again?

It was as if I'd become that innocent kid once more, losing someone so close to me for the second time.

She left me knowing exactly what I went through when my brother died. She knew how devastated I was, how much I hated him for leaving me... for abandoning me.

And she did the same.

So now, standing here in front of the building where her funeral is being held, I can't bring myself to take another step inside. I can't bear to see her.

The raindrops hit my bare skin, but still, I couldn't bring myself to face her lifeless body.

I remained where I was, standing until the sound of my own heavy breathing filled my ears. Then I remembered... my brother dying in my arms. My vision blurred. I couldn't tell if it was the cold, the punishing rain, or the beginnings of another anxiety attack.

It wasn't strong, but I felt the tremors in my body... not from the cold rain, but from an emotion I didn't think I could feel again. Grief.

My knees weakened until they finally gave out, hitting the ground. I was no longer in the right state of mind to think about how I must look, or whether anyone was watching me crumble like the pathetic person I believed myself to be.

I'm on my knees. My hands began to shake as I vividly remembered my brother taking his last breath in my arms, his blood scattered around.

It was as if I'd been pulled back into the past, the rain soaking through my clothes felt like his blood all over again.

Filoah's death had triggered something I'd buried for so long. It was resurfacing now, breaking through the walls I'd built around it.

Grief, hatred, sadness... all the emotions I never wanted to feel again came crashing down on me, overwhelming and merciless.

It was too much. Too many feelings I couldn't control.

It had been so long since I'd felt this many emotions at once. They were so foreign, so intense, that I couldn't manage them all together.

I stayed on my knees while the rain kept pouring, relentless and cold. I remained there for minutes, maybe longer, until my breathing finally began to steady. Only then did I force myself to rise, because I could feel my consciousness slipping into the darkness.

Alone.

This was my sign not to visit and not to look for Filoah. I knew I wouldn't be able to face her. I didn't want to hate her the way I hated my brother for abandoning me.

So I left. I couldn't bring myself to see her, because I knew that even if part of me hated her... deep down, I would blame myself for her death. I would blame myself for not being there for her the way she had been there for me in my darkest days.

I despised death. I hated it for taking everything away from me.

It was never your fault.

It felt as if I could hear Filoah's voice in my head as I walked away from her.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered. "I'm sorry, kasi hindi ko kayang harapin ka. I just..." I glanced back toward where she was, my chest tightening. "...couldn't."