Onika's Anatomy

How Ya Feel?

Onika POV
Same Night

I had just put the kids down for bed with the help of my mom. Everyone was out by pool sitting around the fire pit enjoying wine. My mom and I joined soon after. I took a seat next to Bey and she pulled me into her lap instead.

Then Tina jumped up. "Oh Bey sweetheart we have to get you fitted sometime this week. It was enough stress getting Vera to expedite Nicki's dress today."

Beyoncé sighed. "All right mama, I'll make time this week."

Then my mom chimed in. "And we need you both available next week Tuesday for the cake tasting. And we need to pick out the final floral arrangements."

I just nodded sipping on wine, honestly and truly my mind was elsewhere. Jumping to conclusions wasn't my thing anymore, but that text message didn't sit well with me. Right now I didn't want to hear anything about this wedding. I was just nodding in agreement to all the ideas my mom and Tina were throwing out.

Then Kelly joined in. "Oh my God I can't wait, this wedding sounds beautiful."

"And expensive..." Beyoncé added.

Kelly rolled her eyes. "Oh Bey that wouldn't even dent your accounts. Where are you guys going to honeymoon?"

Beyoncé looked at me waiting for an answer, but my mind was sore from today's events.

Beyoncé's fingers caressed my cheek, pulling me away from my thoughts. "Baby?"

"Uhhh sorry, I haven't really given it much thought."

Everyone looked shocked, then of course my mom threw in her three cents. "You haven't been giving much thought to this at all."

I felt Beyoncé tense under me, I rolled my eyes placing my glass down excusing myself quickly.

I went into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. As soon as I closed the fridge Lauren was standing there. I had to grab my chest to slow my heart rate down.

"Jesus fucking Christ Lo!"

"I'm sorry, I was calling your name. Nic what's going on with you? You seem so off?"

I leaned back against the fridge closing my eyes.

Lauren gasped. "Oh shit what did you do?"

"I didn't do shit Lo. Just a long day that's all."

"Is it about the wedding? Nicki if you don't want a big wedding it's okay to tell your mama's no. At the end of the day it's up to you and Bey."

"It's everything and then some. I don't want to talk here though."

She pulled a thick blunt from behind her ear.
"Let's go to my car."

I smiled following her outside like some giddy ass teenager. An hour later we found ourselves hot boxed in her car, seats pushed back, with Miquel voice caressing our venting session.

"I can't believe she admitted that to you. I can't even get Solange to tell me that she likes me, let alone love me..." Lauren said.

"She does love you Lauren...And I straight up told her if she needs time to show you that she needs to step away. You both lost your somebodies, and it's not fair to you how she treats you."

Lauren sighed. "I came back home to L.A to get away from her ass. I wanted to be done with all this, but it's like she keeps pulling me back."

"You're her comfort...That's natural, but Solo has to understand that you can't erase her grief. She has to work through that on her own, just like you did."