First Words

Chapter 15

Kellin's POV||

I woke up this morning at half past eight and felt a little... I don't know but it felt great. Like not feeling constantly worried or scared but feeling relieved, great, alive and tense free. I don't even know- oh wait I do. Just looking at the sleeping Vic reminded me of what happened last night. My smile turned into a frown.

Oh god what if he expects me to talk? What if he forces me to? What if he threatens me for it? What if... What if he tell the others and they force me? I can't. I just can't do that. I've gone on for far too long without speaking and I can't just break it. It's not that simple. It's took me ages to be where I am now so I am NOT just gonna let that all go to waste. Not. A. Fucking. Chance.

The door slowly opened, making me jump a little, to reveal a rare Tony Perry. His eyes held worry, his face held fear however, his smile held joy. "Umm Kellin, can I uh have a umm quick word?" I nodded and slowly climbed out of Vic's grip and out of the room. Tony took me down the stairs and Jaime and Mike where there, just looking at me. No emotions in their faces. Jack sat on the couch behind them, his head held low. I don't understand why I am here. Maybe... Maybe they heard me talking? Oh shit!! Oh fuck NO!!

"Look Kellin, we know Alex knew about you being allergic to paracetamol so we tried to call him out on it but he just said 'what the fuck?? No dude, if I knew, I'd make him over-dose on them' and just ran. We don't know where exactly he has gone to but we all need you to stay with at least one of us until he is found. We shall be taking it in turns to watch over you. Are you okay with this?" Mike explain and it took me a few minutes to fully wrap my head around this situation. Okay so Alex wants to do whatever he wants with me while the guys are gonna protect me. But what if they get hurt instead? What if one of them dies instead? What if they end up turning? I can't allow this. I nodded my head at them but keep my little secret watch over them too to myself. Like my own little vow to protect these guys. They are practically my family now so it's only be fair to watch over them as they watch over me.

My spine started to tingle, warning me someone is behind. My body stiffened and my eyes clamped shut. My fists into balls, turning white at the pressure they are under. I feel everyone's eyes curiously watching me, as if they had no clue why I was tensed up. Then the eyes weren't on me. I could still feel someone behind me. Then, that stupid chuckle that has haunted me ever since this shit happened. That chuckle which had me in pain. That chuckle which made me quiver away in fear. That chuckle which held no happy emotion, just a 'dead to me' feel.

I still didn't open my eyes but I felt a huge gust of wind zoom around my body, having a strange affect on my energy. I dropped to me knees, feeling many hands rake my body. Some punches, some slaps and some lightly brushing over my skin. I curled up into a ball and screamed because I felt used, uncomfortable, dirty and sick. My body shook with the screams that left my lips. The sounds becoming less muffled as the mini tornado around me began to slow in its pace. I could still feel light blows around me and rustling of leaves. Am I outside??

My thought became true as I opened my eyes. I was outside but where I have no clue. I looked around me and noticed the one place I thought I would never return to. The memories, the feelings, the voices and the smells. They all hit me at once as I stand in front of my mothers grave stone. I felt absolute guilt for not coming anymore. I wish I never stopped visiting but I did. "Mom, I'm so sorry." I broke down into tears, falling to my knees. I kept my head down, feeling ashamed and worthless, to be knelt in front of the greatest woman's grave. "I-I-I miss you mom. I wish y-y-you where s-s-still here. You were the b-b-best person and you kept t-t-the peace. I wish it was m-m-me dead not you. You did nothing wrong to be d-d-dead. It's all my fault. I-I-I just wish things were d-d-different. Mom I love you! I live you so fucking much!! Come back please!!" I cried harder at my own mini-speech. I really miss her. I miss her so much that I just want to die and be at peace with her by my side.

"Kellin, sweetie it's okay. Honey it wasn't your fault. Not one but, baby I wish I was with you but I cant. I watch over you and I hate the way you are. Constantly blaming yourself. Stop. I'm okay. Be happy, please start talking baby. You need to wake up. Baby, Kellin, please wake up." My mom is speaking to me!! "Mom!! Please I wanna be with you!! Don't leave me!! Mom I really hate it here without you!!" My crying got harder because it's been forever since I've heard her beautiful voice. "Kellin wake up." "Mom please no!!" She was fading. No no no no no!! "Mom!!" I screamed. "Kellin wake up." She said more firmly before black surrounded me and I jolted up.

My breathing was heavy, sweat covered my face and my body was shaking. Badly. I burst into tears again and felt arms wrap around my body and I cried more. The soft murmuring and sweet voice trying to calm me worked. I stopped crying but a few stray tears leaked from my face. Vic turned me and wiped the tears away and gave me a soft smile. It was starting to get dark out. "kellin, it's okay. I'm here for you." I don't want him, I want my mom. As horrible as I may sound, but Vic isn't my mom. He doesn't comfort me like she did. He didn't make me as happy and calm as she did. Although I still nodded at him.

Sick began to rise from my stomach so I jumped up and ran into the bathroom and puked into the toilet. My body shaking and tears falling from the heaving. Vic came in and pulled my hair back and rubbed soft, soothing circles into my back. Once I finished, I wiped my moth and flushed the chain. Vic helped me up as my legs were weak, just like my whole body. He's so sweet. I looked at Vic and smiled. He smiled back. Then, I turned and cleaned my mouth from the vile taste of sick, my throat raw and painful but I still thanked Vic for being kind and smazing.

He smiled that I- yet again- spoke. "You have a beautiful voice." He said, causing a blush to spread across my cheeks. We walked back into his room, climbed into bed and he pulled me close. I smuggled into his chest and allowed his arm to drape across my waist and I smile. A real genuine smile. "Thank you Vic. You're the best." And with that, I slipped into unconsciousness, hugged into Vic.