Depths of Despair ✶ Theodore Nott

fifty nine. regret

It was an odd phenomena — regretting something that was not truly her fault.

Or was it? Valerie was no longer sure.

News traveled fast throughout the wizarding community. It had taken only two days before they also reached Valerie in the most inconvenient of ways — during a death eater gathering, Voldemort seated at the edge of the table delivering the news. Valerie had sat through it, perfectly stoic. After all, it was an act she had perfected long before she could even properly talk, however one can only hide away from reality for so long.

When stepping onto platform 9 3/4 it felt like the entire world was staring.

"Don't be ridiculous, Valerie," her mother had sneered when taking notice to her daughter's immediate hesitance, however the words were of little comfort. "Collect yourself at this instance."

It felt as though she had the world collapsing down in full weight upon her shoulders, however Valerie obeyed — lifting her head high, straightening out her posture. No one will know, she convinced herself. Not unless you allow them to.

The platform was swarming with student returning back to school after Christmas break, and instinctively Valerie scanned her surroundings — hoping to lay eyes on a familiar face. "Why are you following me, mother?" It was surprising, Olenna accompanying her all the way to the train. Valerie had expected (and also hoped) the dreadful woman would abandon her upon arrival, however now stood miserably disappointed. The sound of her mother's heels clicking against the pavement was irritating, and her cold presence did nothing to relieve the feeling of being observed.

After all, years had passed since mother and daughter had been spotted in public alongside one another, the whole Hogwarts alumni aware of Valerie's rather dramatic escape from the Leclere household. To be quite frank, Olenna was attracting attention and Valerie wished her gone — afraid that rumours would set root, that people would start to speculate.

"Do not speak to me that way."

Valerie haltered in her step, inhaled a deep breath and turned to face her. "You did your duty by dropping me off. Now, would you be so kind as to remove yourself from my presence?"

The corners of her mother's mouth visibly twitched, the woman struggling to not let a scowl extend itself across her features. She seemed, however, not willing to pick a fight, and ignored her daughter's comment. "I expect you to return home this summer," She proclaimed. When Valerie instantly opened her mouth to protest, her gaze ran cold, Olenna cutting her off before Valerie had time to utter a single word. "That is non-negotiable. You have duties, Valerie."

Duties. Shivers ran down Valerie's spine at the reminder. "Right," was all she could force past her lips in response.

Olenna nodded her head, pleased at her lack of defiance. "Very well. I'll see you in June." Valerie audibly breathed out in relief as her mother turned around to depart, however yet another surprise awaited her when the woman abruptly turned around with a stiff look on her face. "You did good last term. I thought it an impossibility, but you proved your loyalty. Now, do not disappoint me."

With that she was gone, Valerie feeling her stomach twist at Olenna's rare display of... pride?

You proved your loyalty. The words stung, regret tugging at her conscience.

It wasn't her fault, Valerie tried again and again and again to convince herself, but she had assisted in someone getting hurt. She may not have been the one to commit the deed, however the perpetrator had acted on her instructions.