Les Miserables Revolution

Chapter 29

*1 week later! This is mostly E/R...it gets intense at one part...just warning!*

{Grantaire}

It's hard being one of the only people who lived through the barricades. It's harder only being alive because you were passed out drunk and didn't wake up even as soldiers were dragging your unconscious body away from the barricade. It's hardest being in love with one of the others who loved through the barricades, and he doesn't even notice you.

Enjolras. I had doubted I would live through the revolution. I had doubted he would live through the revolution. We both did. He deserved to live, but did I? He fought for others, he only cared about others. What was I? The cynical drunkard that was tolerated at the meetings who didn't care about anyone, but himself. Seems about right.

So many of my friends had died. Éponine had died. She was the only person I had fully trusted. She was perhaps the only person I would ever fully trust. I had promised her I would do something. I hadn't done it yet.

I promised her I'd tell Enjolras how I felt. I had grown somewhat used to talking to the majestic Apollo. It was difficult though. Marius was also almost always there when we spoke.

I would eventually tell Enjolras how I felt. I'd give him that sketch I had done of him. Had it really been a few days ago? It seems like a lifetime. That's just what the revolution did to us I suppose.

{Enjolras}

"Marius, good luck today," I say to him. It's his wedding. He and Cosette will be wed. I try forcing a smile with success though I'm sure it looked pitiful.

"Enjolras, it wasn't your fault. You didn't know. You've gotta stop this," Marius said to me. It was the guilt. The guilt I felt over the revolution. I had led my friends to slaughter. No, I had led my best friends to slaughter. They were dead because of me. I should be. I wish I would've died with them.

"Good luck with the wedding," I say again and turn to leave.

"Cosette, she might not mind if you come, possibly," he said slowly. I shook my head. He was wrong.

"Marius, she blames me. She has every right to," I answer. She blamed me for their deaths. For Gavroche's, for Courfeyrac's, for Éponine's...for Gabrielle's. I took a deep breath.

"Enjolras, it wasn't your fault. She didn't die because of you. She was there because she chose to be," Marius said.

"I know. Good luck Marius," I say once more as I head to the door.

"Where will you be?" he asks curiously.

"I'll probably see Grantaire," I replied. Grantaire was one of the very few people who put up with me these days.

"Enjolras, are you sure? You know what he'll think..." Marius trails off.

"What?" I ask.

"You know, he thinks he's in love with you. You're only giving him hope," Marius said. I frowned to myself.

"I can barely stand being by myself. He's one of the few people who actually talk to me," I told him. He nodded. He understood.

Some people thought I would bring misfortune to them if I got too close. Some knew I led their friend or child to their death. Some thought I was too bothered with thoughts of death to make time for the living. All were reasons why people avoided me. Who knows? Maybe all these reasons were true.

I made the long walk to Grantaire's house. I tried keeping my mind occupied. I passed Rosalie's house and paused. I hadn't seen her since the revolution for fear she'd hate me. It wasn't the fact I hadn't seen her that brought me to a stop. It was the memories.