Kleine Texte

Wrong self image

Less waist, more hips,
I wished for bigger breasts.
I feel like a dumb little loser
Who's crying, you're laughing.
I'm not the amuser.

You tell me it's harmless, just a joke.
Right?
No big deal,
Not valid how I feel -
Felt like a punch in the gut,
The only hope left is praying to gods.
Yes, I already knew that I was a joke to you,
I wished I were a joke, too,
Because I keep looking,
Looking in the mirror at myself,
It shows the weight,
I've come to hate.

Flesh on my bones,
Feels like carrying stones.

Numbers, everywhere,
But I only see it on the scale.
So high, but feeling too small,
I don't feel like me at all.

I look at the pretty girls,
Pretty hair,
Pretty face,
Pretty eyes,
While my beauty is still in disguise.

Or maybe it never even existed,
All my flaws, they're in my head listed.

What makes me different from them?
Maybe my clothes? Or my scent? Or my hair?
I don't know, please tell me what it is, I desperately care.
Am I too much or too less?
The only thing I'm doing - I am trying my best.

Drowning in disgust,
I have to let go, I must -
I can't, body is frozen on the spot
Like the ice cream in my fridge,
Looking like a fairytale witch.
Fat. Ugly. Uncharming.

Am I always out of the beauty goal's reach,
Of crossing the line?
I keep twisting my thoughts.
I see everybody's tributes, but never mine.
Shut off my mind!
My head's spinning around,
In my chest is a pound.
Oh, it's my heart,
It's wound.