The Teacher

The Teacher: Part I Unchained, Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

AT CHURCH THEY KEPT SAYING to those of us still in high school that we're too young to get seriously involved in a relationship. I'd listened and was still a virgin, but few, if any, of my friends at school were, and some of them sat in the same pews I did.

This was a piece of my life that was difficult to fit into a neat little picture—me, church, and my desire to measure up spiritually. My church is definitely not full of the frozen-chosen, I actually relate there really well. There are a ton of young people and it's a vibrant and exciting place, and most importantly for me, there's a weekly youth ministry for teens.

Pastor Ben, my youth pastor, led the hottest youth ministry ticket in town and has an amazing way of bringing biblical truths to life. He's in his late twenties, happily married with two pre-school boys, is famous for his love of caramel frappuccinos from Starbucks, and is a good communicator—publicly and personally. DestiNATION Youth is action-packed, challenging, and Pastor Ben is highly respected by parents and school administrators across the city; not to mention that he's a hit with the most critical demographic in town, us.

He is a unique mix of passion and personality, and he's had a huge impact on my life. As awesome as he is though, there are many nights I've gone home from a youth service both loving Pastor Ben, and hating him because of how God has used his spiritual insights to seemingly read my mail with exactly what I've been struggling with that week.

He'll preach and explain God's Word with incredible clarity, and then give us a prescription for change and growth in our lives that motivates me on one hand, and maddens me on the other. As much as I love my church, and Pastor Ben, there is a relentless raging inferno inside that wrestles with the dilemma of wanting to do things God's Way, versus my way.

IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE what the Apostle Paul spoke of in the New Testament when he described his own internal struggles. Why do I do the things I know I shouldn't, and how come I don't do the things I know I should? I've always thought he was describing the universal moral angst that teenagers everywhere can relate to.

And all those thou shalt nots just drive me crazy! It's like they make a grand entrance to confront your values when the bell rings every Friday afternoon. That's when the weekend vultures of sex, drugs, and parties galore start circling overhead. That's also when that cute little angel, to borrow some Sunday school imagery, on my shoulder starts whispering in my ear...you need to be the caliber of Christian Pastor Ben expects you to be.

That angel, and its opposite, the nasty little devil on my other shoulder, are responsible for most of the inner fire that creates so much turmoil inside me—the battles of right and wrong; the influences of good and evil, heaven and hell; concerns over what is coming from me and when is God speaking to me?

The angel voice surges louder, soothingly sharing the message, God's love is not based on my performance, but that through my weakness, God's strength is made perfect. The devil purrs into the other ear that it's only natural for me to be interested in things that are sensually alluring.

The devil's purr grows a bit stronger as I begin thinking, How's a girl supposed to know who she is without crossing some lines once in a while. The way they expect us teens to live, never breaking their rules, never making our own decisions, never thinking for ourselves, it just can't be healthy, can it?

Then there are all those endless Bible quotes!

Wait, is that me, or am I listening to the wrong voice on my shoulder? Are these the ponderings of my own heart? Did Pastor Ben think like this when he was my age? Does he know about all the mistakes we good Christian kids drag into destiNATION every week? Ugghhh! This constant war between a higher morality and my humanity is ridiculous!