The Teacher

The Teacher: Part II Testament, Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

AS HOLDEN PREDICTED, MY AUDITION went much more than well. When I finished the coffee shop scene, the director told his assistant to send the other candidates home with his regrets. Liam Neeson was the consummate, gifted, proven professional and inspired me to bring honest, raw, gut-wrenching inner complexity and searing emotion to my character. As conflicted as I was about so many other things going on in my real life, I really appreciated the aspect of escaping into the fictional world of a role that acting affords.

The film was shot on location in New York City giving me a rare opportunity to enjoy everything such a thriving metropolis has to offer; from 5-Star hotels, to the finest cuisine, to 5th Avenue shopping, professional sports, hit Broadway shows, the hottest nightclubs, and the most provocative people-watching possible—the gourmet cultural smorgasbord that is New York City. They put the cast up at the Waldorf Astoria. We had the entire 47th floor all to ourselves.

After a long day of shooting and a light dinner with some of the cast, back in the solitude of my hotel room, as expected no texts, no emails, no calls...nothing from Holden. It didn't surprise me, nothing he did or didn't do surprised me anymore, but I missed him and I didn't understand why he wouldn't reach out to me when we were apart. Actually, I did understand, but I didn't want to accept what I knew to be true.

THERE WAS LITTLE ROOM FOR LOVE in the cast-iron heart of a Disciple. The Guardian's whole faith orientation was designed around self, power, and control with little or no regard for anyone else's feelings. Mortals were mere lambs to be slaughtered on the altar of Disciple ambition. I was slipping into that same cold Queen-Jadis mold, but I hadn't arrived as an evil witch just yet. My heart hoped it might be possible to meld the best of both spiritual worlds, but my head knew that could never be. I'd made my choice, but I wasn't prepared for the emotionally empty world surrounding the typical Disciple's life.

I knew that Holden was preoccupied with establishing new covens of Guardian converts in each city where they performed. Their concerts were potent theatrical attack subs from which to torpedo any resistance with their message—turn control of your life over to a being who actually understands what people really want out of life lived in the flesh and gain the power and freedom to realize any goal, enjoy any pleasure, and be free from the constraints of conscience.

Despite confronting these realities, hoping to keep our romance alive, night after night I sat in my room sending out texts hoping Holden would respond. Finally, late one somber Sunday night he returned a text and I heard my iPhone vibrate on the bed right next to me as I was reading the script preparing for the next day's shoot. That triggered a text chat.

HoldenH: Sorry for not getting back to you sooner, but its been crazy since our first play date in St Petersburg what are you up to?

FalloniousFord22: Reading over my lines for the scene we're

shooting tomorrow what city are you in now?

HoldenH: Seoul, South Korea...these Asians theyre crazy for anything to believe in and so receptive to our message...I think Asia will turn over even sooner than Europe are you having any fun in New York?

FalloniousFord22: Not really...were shooting 16 hours a day and at night I have to study my lines but I really love it and I know Im going to be proud of my contribution to this film how about you any time to just unwind and relax?

HoldenH: Are you kidding...if it were just about the music touring would be one big party but everywhere we go the people who come to the shows are so hungry for what we have to offer that means answering their questions and connecting them to the Guardian when they express a willingness to convert all I can say its a good thing we don't need to sleep...so when does your shoot wrap up?

FalloniousFord22: Two more weeks and Ill be heading back to Manistique when will you be back?

HoldenH: Our agent actually got us into China we have one concert booked in Beijing and another in Hong Kong so I might be a week or two late getting back will you move our things to Madison its time we kissed Manistique goodbye don't you think.

FalloniousFord22: Sure I can do that...I feel the same way on so many levels weve just outgrown and left behind most everyone in Manistique...anyway I'm looking forward to starting fresh in a new area.

HoldenH: Well Fallon if you stick with me youd better get used to thinking of the whole world as your new home what's happening not so much with the band but with our message is really going to be big and Im right in the middle of it and you're going to be there next to me in every way.

FalloniousFord22: Whoa Silver...one step at a time but I hear you so did you get a chance to pick out a place in Madison before you left I know you were working on that?

HoldenH: Yes, I did you'll find the paperwork on my desk next to my computer I had to spread some serious money around but I got the university to lease me an entire frat house right on Lake Mendota just off of Langdon Street only a few blocks from the student union I think youll love it its going to be base camp for our main reason for becoming college freshmen at the University of Wisconsin.

FalloniousFord22: All right Ill take care of getting us moved in itll be great to see you again...I love you

Holden: Look please don't make anything out of it if I don't have a chance to connect back with you before the tours over you understand don't you

FalloniousFord22: Sure do what you have to do see you when you get back.

After the chat ended, it struck me that Holden didn't respond to my saying I love you.

THE SCREEN ON MY PHONE WENT blank and as expected I didn't hear from Holden again while I was in New York City. There was still enough room in my heart to say I love you and mean it, feel it, but I could see Holden was already past needing, or even wanting to nurture an emotion he now regarded as a sign of weakness. I knew I'd have to put my feelings aside and get with the program, or find myself on the outside of whatever new world order was coming.