The Teacher

The Teacher: Part II Testament, Chapter 24

Part II

TESTAMENT

CHAPTER 24

AFTER THE FUNERAL I WENT back to the apartment and tried to quiet my mind, but it was no use. I thought I'd learned to dismiss my agitated alpha waves and descend quickly past delta and theta to escape into a deep meditation, but disturbing impressions kept interrupting the state of transcendent bliss I'd usually been able to achieve.

Where was Lydia's soul? According to what I was taught, suicide was one of those unforgivable sins, wasn't it—so she couldn't be in heaven. Did I even believe in heaven or hell or any of the sacred truths I used to take for granted growing up Christian? In the first shocking lucid dream scene I experienced there was Lydia standing before God and being judged for her sin.

Lydia was genuinely sorry and tried to explain why she took her own life. God was sympathetic, but had to insist that Lydia just wouldn't fit in with souls who valued the life and faith they were given. God, too, was sorry, but when they finished talking, turned her away.

What was the truth about heaven and hell? After coming back to full consciousness, I had to work harder to go deep enough to once again calm my troubled heart, mind, and soul. This time, when the dark dream struck, it was my turn.

Like the descriptions of near-death experiences you've heard about, there they were—Lydia, Gloriana, Jesus, my grandmother who'd passed, and an uncle who was a cancer victim, both who died when I was a child, and their beautiful guardian angels.

The people were in glorified bodies, so much different than the flesh-and-blood forms we use while alive. From a distance they appeared normal, alive and breathing, but a closer look and I could see their skin was translucent and didn't show any signs of aging despite the age they appeared. I saw them as the age I remembered them. They could drink and eat, but it wasn't necessary for them to thrive. And, of course, they didn't have to worry about dying anymore.

The angels were more spirit than physical. I was surprised that the holographic shadow of their form filled in with just what I was expecting—full white feathered wings that appeared to be functional, and wearing long, glowing, flowing robes. The angels hovered above and behind the people they were assigned to watch over and didn't participate in what was being said. Their role was to observe and protect, but not interfere with the sacred principle of Free Will. The glory of the living God surrounded us with a surreal brilliance—the Light of Truth and Divinity.

When Jesus spoke He simply told me I broke His heart by accepting the Guardian into my life. He didn't understand why I couldn't see through the deception that underpinned everything about the Guardian's Way. I knew He was right and didn't even try to defend myself. I was turned away as well, despite the pleading on my behalf of the dear souls who loved me and wanted me with them in heaven.

Walking away from the gates of heaven, a crippling sense of deep, dark cold and dread set in—the great emotional chasm of being separated from God, and from all that is Good.

A violent chill rocked me to the core of my being and I lurched out of the dream back into full consciousness.

THE DREAM MADE ME SICK, but I knew I wasn't able to even consider going back to life as a mere mortal. Being a Disciple felt like an explosive heroine high...but one you never came down from. It wasn't even so much about the high, but because of the other powers more about the confidence of knowing I was in complete control over how my life would unfold.

Worried he might be blamed for what happened to Lydia, Holden didn't attend the funeral, but when I woke up I heard him in the den busy getting ready for the band's next world tour. One of the things I loved about Holden, I could count on him to understand what I was feeling, and, he never judged me for anything.