i will follow you into the dark

sensible talk

I planned to surprise grandma, it was 10 o clock in the evening when i arrive, this house is just 2 hours away from my school but i rarely visit her, I entered the house and saw her making some coffee in the kitchen. She was surprised when she saw me, i can see that there was a glee in her eyes but i can also see the sadness behind it. Once i step foot on her premises she knows that there is something wrong. I sat with her on the dining table and gave her a warm smile. She gave me a quick hug and faced me.

Grandma: What happened?

there is something with my grandma that always makes me feel warm and comfortable i don't know why but maybe because I grew up with her, my mom passed away when i was four so Dad asked for my grandma's assistance to take care of me. I wanted to come here because i need help, i need to have a sensible talk that only my grandma can give me, she knows everything about me.

Ara: Momsy, she's coming back and dad told me that she was interested for us to be together. I can't help but enclose myself in her comforting arms, she hugged me tight.

Momsy: Are you ready to face Georgina?

Ara: I don't know i'm so confused. I thought I was ok, It's been fucking 2 years ago but when dad told me that she will be coming back, everything felt fresh. I can feel all the hurt, i can feel all the heartaches and what makes it worst is that i already met somebody her name is Mika, she opened my heart and thought me to love again. I wanted to pursue her because i thought i was sure. I wanted to give her my pure love and affection but with this situation how can i offer her my creased heart.

Momsy: Apo sabi nga nila. You can never feel pain if you don't care and if you don't care it can never be love. You were able to experience true love with Georgina but it doesn't mean that she was the one destined for you. Everything we meet has a purpose, every experience counts not just the happy ones but most of all the painful memories that can almost kill you. These will teach you to be stronger and overcome harder obstacles that might obscure you in reaching your happy ending. Obviously this are one of the obstacles that you need to overcome. It might not be easy but i know that you can make it.

"Diba halos mamatay ka din nong iwan ka niya?, nakita ko lahat yun, nakita kong unti--unting nawasak ang lahat ng pangarap mo at nakita kong nawalan ka ng pag asang ipagpatuloy ang buhay mo." she wiped her tears and she stood in front of a big portrait in the llving room. It was a picture of my grandma and grandpa facing each other holding hands. It was a picture full of love.

"Ganyan din ako noon, I also lost hope and decided to take away my life so i can be with your grandpa forever but looking at you, at that time you were just 7 y/o so small and fragile and if i will be gone who will be there to protect you, to take care of you and give you love? so i tried so hard to be strong to get over my heartache. My love for you my dear apo built my heart again, you were that reason that i kept going, you were the source of my strength and so i did move on. She sat on the yellow sofa, i sat on the ground and leaned on her lap.

"Power of two apo, all you need to do is to find someone that you can hold onto until all the pain melts away, Find someone that can make all you worries and fears gone like you've never been hurt before. Find someone that can pick up your broken pieces and make you whole again"

Ara: Momsy i don't wanna hold onto somebody just because i need her, if ever i wanted to do it because of love. I don't wanna use Mika. I don't want to hurt her.

Momsy: Mika? i nodded

Momsy: OK, Mika it is, i didn't say that you need to hurt her, i wouldn't like you to stay with her just because you need to move on. She makes you happy right? so you can use her as an inspiration to make it through the hard days. Think about Mika and the future that you will be able to share with her. If you love her enough, holding onto this wonderful future and great love that both of you can share will be enough to keep you strong and move on.

Thinking about Mika, i let out a big smile. Amidst all the chaos i have in my mind she is the only one that keeps me sane.

Ara: Momsy i need to clear my head and be ready to face george next week. I'll be picking her up in the airport. Can i stay here for a week? I sat beside her on the sofa.

Momsy: You need to be ready not just to face her but to talk to her, you need to clear things up, i know you didn't have a formal break up and maybe this is what you need to move on.

Ara: Closure? i faced her and raised my eyebrows.

Momsy: Yes, proper closure.

She held my hands and gave me a warm smile. I hugged her.

Momsy: All right it's already 2 in the morning go to your room and get some rest, it's a good thing that i always ask Tina(maid) to clean your room everyday.

Ara: Thank you momsy, this conversation means everything to me.

Momsy kissed my forehead and went inside her room.

After taking a bath and before going to bed, i decided to text Mika.

Mika, i'll be gone for a week, just need to settle important things but i'll be back.

Can't wait to share a wonderful future with you, please don't be inlove with someone else.

I LOVE YOU.