i will follow you into the dark

helpless

I love her... she is my world... i gave her my time, dreams and future plans but it was not enough...

She left me... and my heart was wrinkled in pieces...

and i couldn't find the courage to find those tiny pieces to make my heart whole again...

What can i do... i already lose hope....

No, my hope was gone, she is gone...and i can't find another reason to move on...

She was the reason for my living... I eat and breath for her... I strive and succeed for her...

but she is gone...

My dearest endeavors encourage me to fight and move on...

They said that i have a wonderful future ahead of me...

All i need to do is to pick myself up and start over again...

but they don't understand that she was my future... and now that she is gone... i'm better off dead...

I don't want to live anymore if that requires me to forget her...

because she was the best part of my being...

I cling unto all the good memories... I lived in the past... and somehow even though it is painful i learned to love the way i live...

I still love her, i still have our memories... and in that memory she still loves me...

I got sick of all the people telling me to get back on my game and start anew... that's why i left...

I decided to live away from those people who loves and hurt me...

In this new world i was alone..but i am ok with it... because each and everytime i close my eyes we are still together. she is still with me... In my dreams we still lived happily...

I learned to get out of my bed again...Alcohol became my bestfriend and we'd been together for months now... because it is reliable...

It always makes me feel good... it makes me happy and it takes away the pain at least just temporarily...

It makes me forget that i am just living in a pseudo life i created... and again i am ok with it... because my heart and my mind denies to forget her...

but sometimes when you thought that you already had a helpless case... when you already accepted the way how your life sucks and just have to deal with it...

Someone will come along and offers help...

For the first time i felt like there is still a chance... maybe i can change the way i live and just forget the past... This help made me feel so good, better than my bestfriend alcohol can give me... It made me feel so good that i can even smile genuinely... it was so good that i considered moving on and start all over again...

I became dependent, this help offered something that i really needed and i surrendered myself and took this help's offer wholeheartedly...

I was beginning to pick up the pieces of my broken heart... and who knows soon i will be able to make my heart whole again...

I started to need this help... and this help always runs on my mind.. and this help doesn't even know...

i even become scared of sleeping because my dreams always brings me back to the past that i've been trying to forget... i was so scared of sleeping because who knows if i awake this help is already gone... I wouldn't want this help to leave me...

This help made me feel that she is reliable... I felt that i am important. I just don't say it but i am also starting to like this help... I am starting to feel that this help is important to me...

This help is starting to drive me crazy...in a good way...

I am trying my best to make my heart whole again so this help can live inside it... i am starting to believe that this help can replace the past that my mind and heart can't forget...

but as soon as i am beginning to move on and start anew... this help left and opted to be with somebody else...

and then again my heart was creased...

alcohol.... we will meet again....

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I will post an update once my mind starts to cooperate...

#whogoat moments muna

comments and suggestions please.... thank you

have a great day guys....