𝗨𝗚𝗟𝗬 // 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘁𝗼𝗻

054

Steve loosens a hand from the wheel and places it on my thigh once more, his classic move to make me feel safe and as always it works.

"Of course, you can tell me anything."
I'm surprised he didn't laugh in my face, wonder how there could possibly be more to tell.
But I know Steve isn't like that, not my Steve.

"Do you remember Barbs bucket list?"

He nods politely, "of course I do, you spent summer crossing off loads of it."

"Well.. on it, She wrote, tell someone how you really feel." I wrap my sleeves over my hand awkwardly, "I'm not sure what she meant by that but.. I never crossed it off, despite everything I- still felt like I had so much more to get out."

His eyes are soft and understanding, "ok."

"And then I thought maybe.. maybe if I told you what I went through Vecna would have less ammo you know? And we'd have more of a chance to.. save me.."

"I thought you were pretty set on your decision."

"I was.. but then," I look at Max who's staring outside the window, I look around the room at the chaotic bunch of people running around.
I look at Steve.

"I changed my mind."

"It's.." it's hard to get out, what I really need to say, "I have a scar! On my hand."

He looks briefly at it, at the way it cracks between my finger and thumb, "I'm aware," he laughs at my foolishness.

"I um.." I'm trying to figure out how to word something that kept me locked in a prison inside my head for years.

My voice goes quieter, I go to pick at my skin but his free hand is now holding mine, stopping me.
I smile because my mother used to do that, back when she actually liked me, she even made me wear plasters once in an attempt to make me stop, it didn't work, I just removed them.

It's nice to know I'm still cared about, though, that I'm still seen.

He speaks suddenly, finger rubbing my thumb in comforting movements, "I know about Billy.."

My head flies up, "what?"

His eyes flicker slightly but remain on the road, he's moving around in his seat, guilt overcoming him, "I mean I don't- I don't know but, I saw your notes.. in Miss Kelly's office," he interrupts himself, "but I swear I looked away as soon as I realised! I just.. caught a glimpse."

I stare at his hand in mine, afraid to speak, "why didn't you say anything?"

"It wasn't my story to ask for. I trusted you'd tell me, in your own time."

Sighing, I let out a relieved, "thank you," that causes him to laugh and give me a sly sarcastic smile, "you know you need to stop thanking me for basic human decency Ruby, it's a bad habit."

Automatically I feel more comfortable, more ready to release what I've been holding back.

"When Billy joined Hawkins.. he had heard about me, the rumours you know? So one day i shut my locker and he's standing there, arms crossed, sizing me up," I close my eyes and tighten them at the memory, especially knowing the weight behind my next words, "he said he wanted to see me in person, to find out what true ugliness was."

Steve cuts in and I open my eyes to see him staring aggressively at the road, jaw clenched hard as he lets out, "Ruby You're not-"

"I know."

I know.
And I know the internal battle Steve is facing right now. We'd talked about it a billion times, the guilt he feels over a small mistake, one that wasn't intended to change my life in such a way, but unfortunately did.
I've told him a don't blame him, but I think he never truly got over what he did.
That he called me ugly.