my thoughts at 12 a.m.

8-19-15

It's been two years going back an forth. Well technically 2 years and 2 months, it really all started June 12 2013.
You know when you meet someone, and that encounter happens out of the blue ? Who would think that in just a few months of talking I would grow so fond of you, it completely baffles me. I guess I try to think of reasons why these feelings are as strong as they are, and at the end of the day I can only think of one reason for all this and I must say it's mostly due to love.
Goodness, you make me feel like a complete mess at times, it annoys me so much, but then you come and make me feel like the happiest person in the world, like I'm actually worth living for. It truly pisses me off.
I hope you know you make me hate myself most of the time, it's just you love me a way I wish I could fully understand in order to love you back that way as well but I can't. It seems stupid, and you may think just by reading this that I just don't love you but I do with all my heart, but I don't know how to love ( I know how cliche is that) honestly I spend my time blocking people out of my life that when something good comes to my life I can't fathom the idea of loving someone and them not leaving.
I'm sure this doesn't make sense but it makes sense to me and oh how I wish to sound like a normal human at this very moment but I feel like a complete mess and my wishes are never going to be granted so why even try to sound normal.