my thoughts at 12 a.m.

9/12/17

I've tried telling you, who I am and how I am. For the most part you've understood, and accepted me as I am, and I am so grateful for that. Just like you've accepted me, I have accepted you, for who and how you are, because thats what you do when you have feelings for someone. No matter how soon in the relationship it may be.

We're miles apart, but we knew this was the case when we started talking, and decided to keep it going. I'm glad we did though, because I've never felt this way about anyone else, and I hope that when you say those sweet things you also mean it the way I do, even if I don't show it as often. Being miles apart has its pros and cons. The pros are that, you're coming to visit, and its allowed for us to keep talking and let our feelings develop. The cons are that you're far away from me, and I'm far away from you, plus our schedules can sometimes put a restraint on our communication, but we've been handling all this pretty well.

I've told you about my past maybe not in detail, but all you have to do is ask, I'm so open about it, I don't feel awkward talking about it. Yet fair warning I do think its a bit intense for it to have all happened in the span of 8 years, give or take. I am a complicated mess, and you know this, I know you do because I've told you this before, and maybe you don't believe but its true, I try to keep myself together and for the most part I do a good job, but theres days where I can't do so. Yes I may not mention it to you, and I may give off a weird vibe but I don't say anything because sometimes it takes more than just a day for me to gain control and put myself back together. Its not that I don't want you to know or help, its just thats how I've felt with it all my life. I know these are things I need to work on and I'm going to try.

Be more open with me?? Talk to me about your past more, you don't have to go in detail, just scratch the surface. You already are open with me, just a little more, and I'll do the same. I'm sorry this is all over the place its just theres too much going on in my mind its hard to concentrate on just one thing. I'm sorry.