my thoughts at 12 a.m.

4/12/17

It's okay. You are okay.

But it's not, you're not okay.

Remember you're okay, everything will be okay.

I'm drowning, the darkness is too much now.

Time, time heals everything. You will be okay.

The pain consumes me, I want to give up.

Keep fighting, the pain goes away.

It's not going away, I need to take the pain away.

Pretend, smile it helps.

I'm tired of pretending, it's getting hard to do.

Smile, be happy, fake it all.

Why? I don't want fake, I want real.

Believe it. Lie to yourself.

I have been, it's not working.

Remember it takes time.

I'm finally doing it.

Good, I told you, you could.

It took me a year.

I know, but you're "happy" now.

Yeah I'm "happy" but only when others are around me.

That's okay, you only fake it with them.

Okay.... but I'm still not okay.

You will be!

When? I don't want to smile anymore.

You have to, people will know something is wrong if you don't.

Well that's the thing something is wrong! I'm not okay!

I know you're not, remember I'm in your head?

Yeah I remember, so why don't you help me?

I'm helping you, I'm telling you to fake it.

Okay, how long do I fake it for this time?

Until you believe it again.

I'm tired, I'm drowning.

You need to keep going!

I can't life is too hard.

No! Remember it takes time.

Too much time, I can't fake it anymore. I need help.

You can do this on your own.

I'm sorry.

Stay, you're almost there.

No, I'm not, it's gotten worse than before.

Don't say good bye.

I'm saying good bye.