You're My Secret

Thank You

The timid girl approached me slowly as I was about to leave the classroom. I haven't talked to her for quite some times. Or should I put it as she stopped talking to me, since I wasn't the one who did the talking when we were still friends. Notice the past tense.

I don't even know what wrong had I done to her. She just kept a distance from me since the end of yesteryear. Did my lack of communication annoyed her? Or was it because I've returned to my old me? Well, who cares? It doesn't matter anymore. I have nothing to do with her anymore. Everything's gonna ends today, in just a few seconds before the seconds arm strikes twelve. I'll be free from this nightmare.

"Miyuki-san.." The purple head's soft voice snapped me back to the reality.

"Miyuki-san.." She called me again, louder this time. She must've thought that I didn't heard her. I heard you, Furihara-san. I just don't have anything to talk to you. Give up already.

"I.. I just want you to know that I enjoyed being your friend. Even for a short time. I want to apologize for all wrongdoing I've done for as long as our acquaintance. I hope you have a blessed life."

"Thanks." I walked away, treating the girl like she wasn't even there. I'm acting like a b*tch and I know it. I won't cover it as this is who I really am. The kind and compassionate me was long gone from the world.

"Stop blocking people away from your life! There're people who love you and care for you out there. Stop being so miserable!"

Oh really? Is it another line from one of your romantic novel?

My cold stare sent her running away with tears. I haven't say anything to her yet. Never mind. I'm so used to it. People had been like that since I became the President of Student Council, which is good, so that I did not have to waste my energy on talking unnecessary things. Now that I've graduated, I'm going to be longing for that.

I better get going now. There's something I have to settle with the advisor of Student Council before leaving this school for good.

~~~~~

"Did you completed the file?"

"Yes, and I've asked the secretary to make a copy of it. For the blue code also."

"Good. So that conclude this year's report. Thanks for your hard work. You did a great job, Miyuki-san. Just like expected from you."

"I was only doing my duty. Nothing much."

"Yeah, you always said that. By the way, congratulation for your graduation."

"Thank you, sensei."

"So now that I'm not your teacher anymore will you accept my love?" Ken-sensei's sight pierced through his glasses straight to my eyes. His intense stare made me want to look away but I didn't. I'm not that weak.

Once upon a time, words like made me flustered and aquiver but somehow it doesn't work anymore. I don't feel anything at all.

"I'm sorry, sensei. I need to achieve my dreams first before thinking about stuff like that. I'm sure you'll find someone better for you one day." And smile. Fake.

"I'll wait for you. No matter how long it takes." The twenty-six years old teacher took me into his embrace. He's sudden act did caught me off guard. And for just an ephemeral, my mind went blank.

This man had confessed to me so many times before but I thought it was nothing more than a joke. He really do loves me.

I still froze in his arms as he held me tighter. His steady heartbeat calmed the turmoil in my mind. He's been so kind to me as long as I knew him as a teacher. His matured and responsible personality suited his handsome face making any lady will fall in love with him. And he chose me?

No, I must not let this innocent man put his hope high on the sky for someone like me. He'll only get hurt. Just like.. him.

"Sensei, I must go now. I'm sorry." I pushed him aside politely as I excused myself.

I wanted to stay but I'm afraid that I'll be crying again. I managed to live a whole year without the thought of that man and I worked hard for it. I made myself busy with my study and duty for the Student Council. I cut my ties with people around me to avoid from hearing stuff about him. I made excuses to skip physical education to avoid from getting near the gym. I did everything I could. I thought I can delete him from my mind but it wasn't that easy after all.

My steps stopped as I walked past a particular flight of stairs. The memory of him running down the stairs popped into my head. I smiled to him for the first time. I still remember his face at that moment. And it's the same place I gave him the blue star.

One event after another flashed into my head like scenes of movie. His face, his smile, his voice, his warm hands, his broad shoulder, his gentle kiss..

Did he loved me?

The feeling that I had for him on those days, was it love?

Well, those days are gone. And so are my feeling towards him. And maybe the same goes for his feeling towards me.

Still, I'm thankful to be given the chance to experience it for at least once in my life. I should had cherish it when it last. I know I can never felt that way anymore for the rest of my life.

I felt like crying but tears won't fall down. Instead, my lips formed a smile and it's not the fake smile that I always had.

It's the most sincere smile that I could make, the smile that can only be made by thinking about him. Thank you, Satoshi psycho-senpai.

FIN

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Credits to the owner of the video.