Sea Glass: Marie and Lauryn

Chapter 44

Lauryn woke somewhere between the car and the cold air outside.

One moment there was warmth and darkness and the distant hum of motion, then movement, arms around her, the shift of being lifted. The world came back in fragments with cool night air against her cheek, the soft rustle of fabric, the steady, unmistakable presence holding her.

Mama.

She whimpered before she was fully conscious.

"Mmm—mama..."

Her body curled instinctively, small and uncoordinated, legs drawing up as Marie carried her. One arm was secure beneath her bottom, the other wrapped firmly across her back, holding her close enough that she could feel the rhythm of Marie's breathing.

"It's alright, monkey," Marie said immediately, voice so soothing, "It's just you and mama here. You're safe."

Lauryn made another soft, distressed sound, her hands clutching weakly at Marie's coat. She couldn't quite find herself...everything felt too big, too far away. The panic hadn't returned, not fully, but there was a fragile, disoriented feeling there.

Marie didn't hesitate and shifted slightly, balancing Lauryn easily against her hip, and reached into her bag. A moment later, the familiar silicone touched Lauryn's lips.

"There you are," Marie whispered.

Lauryn accepted the pacifier at once, her mouth closing around it automatically. The effect was immediate. Her breathing slowed and her body softened. She tucked her face into Marie's neck with a quiet, relieved sigh, the world narrowing safely again.

When they reached the room, Marie put on just one bedside lamp before laying her gently on the bed and tucking Felix into her arms. 

"Let's get you comfortable," Marie said, taking off her coat and hanging it on a hook outside the bedroom door.

Lauryn kept her eyes focused hard on Marie as she undressed her, worried somehow she would disappear. That their life together would disappear. That she would wake up to find she was still stuck in Belfast, living under the hatred of her mother. The safe regressed headspace she had retreated to evaporated as the new panic set in. 

Tears sprung in her eyes once more and she began to cry as Marie left her momentarily to get a fresh diaper and pajamas from her bag. Naked except for the pull-up on her hips, she turned onto her side and pulled her legs up as she began to sob. As she curled up, she felt that the pull-up between her legs was heavy and wet, cold, and uncomfortable. 

Dirty girl. Who would want you?

"Oh, sweetheart," she heard Marie say. 

"But I guess she's a mam so she doesn't care ye can't talk and piss yerself in yer sleep like a wain."

As her mother's words repeated in her head, Lauryn felt again that she couldn't breathe as she sobbed. She sensed the bed dip as Marie lay down next to her, the tips of her fingers against her hand.

Mam's right, I'm disgusting.

"Ssh, baby. You're alright here. It's just you and mama. The door is locked, it's nice and warm in here. Felix is here, too. We're about to get into a nice, fresh nappy and warm pajamas and have a cuddle. Can you look at mama?" her gentle voice said.

"I'm s-s-sorry," she gasped, looking at her. 

Marie reached out to lay her hand on her hip and Lauryn pushed away from her.

"Lauryn—"

"A deranged disappointment. That's what ye are."

"I'm d-disgusting," Lauryn choked, trying to push herself away from the bed, away from Marie, as though she could remove herself before she was rejected, "D-don't—d-don't t-touch—"