Down To Earth

Chapter 37 : Building Him Up

Terrah's POV

I search frantically for Alex, pushing leaves, twigs and tree branches out of my way. "Alex! Alex!!? Where are you?" I shout. I rush over behind the tree he sat when I first met him. The rain pours down heavily and smears my vision. It blows into my face, like tiny microscopic bullets are penetrating my skin. I freeze after hearing soft cries from behind the tree. I rush over to the tree to find him sitting there with his head in his arms. His hair is drenched and so are his clothes. He holds a knife in his hand. This reminds me of when I first met him. Except the knife.

"Alex...what are you doing with that?" I ask. He sighs and keeps his eyes set on the muddy grass. "Terrah... have you ever just thought that maybe you were worthless? That all you did was bring others down?" He asks me. "Yes, I have. Now what are you going to do with that knife?" I ask. He trembles and lifts up the knife to his neck. "I'm always told to hang in there. To stay strong and keep fighting, but they don't understand... I've already lost." He says. "Look, Alex I don't want to hear all this giving up bull, alright?" I say. "Then leave. Leave me alone so I can take care of this myself. Why do you care anyway?" He asks. I sigh and look at him. His eyes are still not on me. He stares blankly at the grass, as if it means something. "What lead you to this?" I ask. "Kevin lost his leg. I knew there were likely aliens up there. But I never said anything. I should've spoken up, as the guide. Then maybe he would've listened. I don't really know what's wrong with me. But I know I can't be around to cause anything like this to happen again." He says. He starts crying. "Alex? Hey, look at me." I say. His eyes are still fixed on the ground. The rain falls heavy, making it difficult to hear. "We should get back to HQ." I say. He ignores me. "No, you should get back." Or maybe not. He sinks the blade into his skin. "ALEX, STOP IT!!!" I shout. I snatch the blade from his hand and thrust it a few feet away.

"Why did you do that!?" He asks, chasing after it. I restrain him before he grabs the knife. "Um, excuse me, I'm kind of trying to kill myself here, could you maybe get out of the way!?" Asks Alex. I yank the knife from his grasp again and hurl it into the trees."TELL ME WHY! WHY? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS SO WORTHLESS!?" I shout. He stays completely still. For a few moments, I hear nothing but my own heart beating and I swear I can hear his too. "Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something. We all have loved something and lost something- "I don't need this- "Just listen!" I shout. "I know you lost your parents. And your grandad. But I've been hurt too. My best friend, my father, my sister and my two cousins. Alex, I can't...I can't lose you too." I say on the verge of tears. I'm just going to say it. I'll go for it. I'm brave, right? I can confess my feelings.

I like you. This powerfully painful confession lingers at the edge of my lips, cutting at my heart. "I have to be honest with you. I think about you, a lot. All the time, actually. In the morning, at night, and in the middle of my day. It's you. It's just always, you. You're my best friend, Alex. I have no one else left. Do you really want to take that from me? The one thing I have left. Call yourself worthless, if you want... but you're my world." I say. Alex looks timid, uncomfortable and nervous. He doesn't look up at me. Oh shoot, what did I say wrong? "So you're telling me that I'm your world. But...everyday I see galaxies in your eyes...and what's a world to a universe?" Asks Alex. "Is that what you think? That you aren't good enough for me?" I ask. He sighs and bows his head down lower. His blonde hair shields his eyes and face.

"Not mostly, no. It's like...once you've lost someone, you're so scared to get too attached. It's like I have this fear that everyone I'm friends with will leave me." Says Alex. I think to myself. There is a long, awkward silence. The rain starts up again. A lightning bolt strikes a tree half a mile away. Alex still hasn't looked at me not once since I found him. Just say it. Say it now! "I LIKE YOU!" I scream way too loudly. Finally, he looks up at me. He looks very pale. His blue eyes widen and he begins to blush uncontrollably. He's so cute! "That's right. I like you...I like you. I like you! I really do. I can't even begin to describe the depth of my feelings...and the only words I can think to use are those three." I say. I look down shyly. My stomach aches of nervousness. I feel a smidge of relief in my chest.