One of the Boys

Chapter 13

Cole dropped me home after work where my father froze in his spot after seeing me.

"Caroline?"

"Hi dad?" I raised an eyebrow at his weirdness at the moment.

"Wow. You look so different..." he stared at me hard.

Crap. This is the first time my dad's seen me dress up like this. Maybe my dad liked the fact I dressed as I guy. Now that I'm showing more skin he might get all scary protective.

"A good different or a bad different?"

"You look just like her, your mother." His eyes filled with tears and I couldn't help but go and wrap my arms around him in a hug. My dads arms came around my waist and he kissed the top of my head. "I miss her Care."

I was going to cry not knowing how to comfort him. My dad lost the love of his life and the mother of his child. And now with me dressed like this I'm going to be a constant reminder of her.

"Why don't we go pay her a visit?" I suggested. My father use to take me to her grave for all the relevant times in her life. Her birthday, their anniversary, her death. He told me that if I ever feel sad or alone or need someone to talk to that I should come visit my mom. That she loves me and is always watching over me.

We drove by a supermarket and bought some flowers before heading over to the graveyard. I stayed in the car for a few minutes hoping to give my dad some time alone with my mom before going to visit her myself. Once those minutes were up, I went to her grave and noticed the tears in my father's eyes. He gave me a weak smile before he went to the car himself giving me the privacy I needed. I placed my bouquet of flowers down before kneeling down before he grave.

"Hi mom. Even after fifteen years of your death dad still hasn't moved on. Grandma and Grandpa always use to tell me how they wanted him to move on from their daughter especially with a child on his hands but he never did. How is it fair for two people to love each other so much only for one of them to die. Mom, will I ever find someone to love me as much as dad loves you?

'I've been dressing more like a girl now, crazy I know. It started as a challenge but I think I sort of like it. People are treating me differently, more special. I'm still uncomfortable at times and I really miss my hats. I've finally been asked out by a few guys but I said no, they only noticed me when I changed my look. I said yes to one guy though, but mom I think he's trouble. It's a competition between us to see who falls in love first and I think I might be an idiot because he's a player mom. He breaks girl's hearts for fun. Not only that, he's pretty fun to hang out with. I can see us being friends if it weren't for this competition.

'I still feel bad that my first date is going to be a joke. I always thought it would be special, who knows maybe I can pretend it's special. This is very dangerous, but at least I have Cole. The guys and him are great, they've always had my back. Cole's been off lately and its bothering not knowing what. I don't feel like he's going to tell me anytime soon and it sort of pissed me off that I can't help him.

'I've made some girl friends too mom. I'm going to my first all girls slumber party. I'm very excited but I haven't told anyone, I'm still shy about that. Best news so far is that I've finally gotten a job at Uncle Phil's garage like I've been complaining to you about. Now all I need left is a car, anything with wheels. Please mom, convince dad to get me one! Haunt his dreams or something... I'm doing pretty good in school, I'm keeping my options open for college. Um, I think that's all. Like always, it feels amazing to talk to you. Bye mom, I love you."

I exhaled feeling as if I've released a lot the tension bottled up inside me. I just stood there for a couple of minutes before getting up and going to the car where my dad was waiting for me. He looked me over checking if I was okay like the worrying parent he is. I gave him my infamous toothy grin and I saw his shoulders loosen up.