The Drug I Can't Give Up // A Brallon Fanfiction

Chapter seven /

When I woke up, I had no idea of where I was or what time it was. All I knew, was that my head was pounding and that I wanted to go back to sleep. So I kept my eyes closed, but that didn't help. I was still awake so I decided to get up.

I blinked before slowly opening my heavy eyes. It felt like I had a pair of rocks hanging down my eyelids.

I was met by a window, the sun shining in. I realized that I had to be in the hotel that Ian talked about last night. Right. My memory slowly started coming back. I hung out with the boys.

I rubbed the side of my head and looked around the room. My eyes landed on a pile of clothes on the floor. No wait, pile was the wrong word. There was a whole trace of clothes, leading out the bedroom door. That's when I saw the body laying next to me. And I started to remember what happened after I spent time with the boys.

I felt like I was going to have a panic attack.

The boy laying next to me, was someone I never thought I'd see in a bed with me. Brendon. Brendon was laying next to me in bed, naked. And first now I realized, I was naked too.

Looking around the room, I realized that my suitcase wasn't here, so I had to be in Brendon's room. Shit.

I almost fell out of the bed and desperately started searching for my clothes. I found my boxers on the floor by the foot of the bed, next to Brendon's. And a used condom. Double shit.

I pulled on my boxers and soon found my jeans and tee shirt as I stepped out of the bedroom, quickly pulling those on as well. Memory flashes started showing up in my head, and I got an idea of what happened last night.

We were drinking. Me and Brendon danced. He talked about the stars. We kissed. Crazy elevator ride. We had sex.

I stopped right in my movement when I actually realized what had been going on last night. I held to hands up to my head, having absolutely no idea of what to do. Holy fucking shit.

I suddenly heard a small grunt from the bed and realized I had to get out of here before breaking down completely. I couldn't do that in front of Brendon. I made sure to check that no one was out in the corridor who could see me, and then I ran into my own room that was next to Brendon's.

We had sex. The thought kept repeating in my head and I was about to lose my mind. Was he even going to remember it? My memory was foggy enough, and I didn't know how much he drank last night.

I looked at the clock. 8:30 am. I had to get down to eat some breakfast.

I tried to fix my hair so that I wouldn't look 'just fucked' and then I headed for the elevator. Another thought creeped into my head.

Did it even mean anything to him? Or was I just another one night stand? Was he going to kick me from the band now?

Okay, maybe more than one thought.

I finally got down to the lobby and soon found the dining hall. Spencer and Ian were seated by a table, together with Zack. I tried my best to collect myself, before I got some bacon and sat down next to Spencer.

"Good morning." They all told me and I returned that with a forced smile on my lips. I wasn't even hungry, just nervous. So nervous I was feeling sick. But I ate anyways.

"Hey. You stayed with Brendon at the bar last night for quite a while, right?" Spencer suddenly asked and I almost didn't dare to meet his look. I glanced at the boy and nodded.

"Well, do you know if he brought anyone back to his hotel room? I woke up last night hearing thumps and moans from his room."

I almost choked on my food. Oh god. Spencer must've had the other room next to Brendon's.

"Uh, no. I have no idea." I shrugged and stared at my plate, picking at the bacon with my fork. Fuck.

Suddenly a familiar being walked in and sat down at our table. I didn't even need to look to see who it was, I could scent that perfume smell from a mile away.

"Good morning guys." Brendon said in his hoarse morning voice and my heart skipped a beat. I wondered if he heard what we talked about.

I looked up and could see how he looked at me, but he didn't give me any smile. He just quickly looked away. He definitely remembered something and I kind of wish he didn't.

I could feel the lump in my throat growing and I hurriedly ate up the bacon before I excused myself from the table and got into the elevator.

Once the doors closed, the tears started streaming down my eyes. No sounds came out of me, I just stood there and let the tears run down my cheeks before they dropped to my feet. I hated myself. I hated myself for drinking, for kissing Brendon and for letting myself push it as far as I did.

I quickly rushed out of the elevator when it stopped at my floor and slammed the door closed once I got inside of my room.

Now I started sobbing violently, the tears continuing to run down my face. I slid down on the floor and buried my face in my hands.

I'd never been so scared as I was in this moment. Scared of losing my job, my friends and the love of my life. I knew nothing was going to be the same and if I were Brendon, I'd probably kick me from the band.

It didn't mean anything to him. If it did, he would've took me aside from the table and talked to me about it. Or maybe not. Maybe he was like me, but I doubted that.

And he was probably pissed about it. Because otherwise he would've smiled at me, like a little 'hey, we're cool, okay?' sign.

A sudden knock on the door made me jump.

"Shit.." I breathed out in between my sobs.

"Dal? You ok?" Spencer's soft and calming voice was heard through the door.

I sniffled and took a few deep breaths. "Uh, yeah." I said, my voice cracking at the end of the sentence. I prayed that he didn't hear that. I didn't want him to ask about it, about me and my feelings.

But at the same time I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to cry against his shoulder and I wanted to tell him exactly everything from the beginning to the end.

"Alright.. I just had to check. You left with such hurry."

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears. "I'm fine. I promise." This time my voice was a bit stronger and I did sound pretty convincing. But Spencer was the kind of guy that could see through a faked smile.

"Okay. I suppose I'll see you later then?" He spoke carefully.

"Yeah." I shrugged to myself. I wasn't planning on going out anymore today. But maybe I could do it for Spencer, just for a while.

I heard his steps move down the hall and once they disappeared, I slowly stood up on shaky legs.

I headed for the bathroom, hoping that a shower could wash off the guilt that lingered over my whole body.