The Drug I Can't Give Up // A Brallon Fanfiction

Chapter fourteen /

Brendon was probably as shocked as I was when those words escaped my mouth. He didn't say anything, just sat still on the floor, his eyes facing his feet. I breathed slowly, in and out, trying to collect myself.

"I hate you so much," I sobbed out, not realizing how much I was crying. "Do you understand how much you've hurt me?"

Brendon mumbled something that I couldn't hear, but I just continued.

"You've fucked me up so badly, Brendon. You're the reason behind my pain, my cuts, my anxiety. The reason to why I cry myself to sleep." I knew all of that wasn't true. I had been cutting since long back, but right now I couldn't stop myself. The words just poured out of me along with the tears.

"And still, I love you. I love you so much it physically hurts, so much that it becomes too much and I end up like this," I said, referring to my vomiting. "You've thrown me in the water and then saved me from drowning."

"Dallon.." Brendon mumbled, but I ignored him. I couldn't stop now.

"The night we slept together was one of the best nights of my life. Even if it didn't mean shit to you. When you kissed me and I told you that I loved you, it wasn't because I was drunk or because that's something everyone blurts out during sex. It's because it's the truth."

I took a breath and looked down at the boy and I realized how much I needed to touch him, because I might never get the chance to do that again. I fell to my knees in front of him and placed my hand on his wrist. He finally looked up at me, and I saw he was crying.

"Dallon, please stop." He begged me and I looked down.

"I know you love Ryan. I saw the look he gave you..."

"Dallon, shut the fuck up." Brendon sobbed out, his voice sharp but still weak.

"I'm sorry!" I cried out and he took my face in his hands and tilted it up so that I was facing him again.

"You don't understand, Dal." He whispered to me and I blinked away the tears. "I love you." He wiped the tears away from my cheeks and I looked at him.

"You don't." I choked out and he pressed his forehead against mine.

"Please believe me when I say that, because I really fucking do." He whispered and pressed his lips against mine.

My desperate hands found the hem of his shirt and I shakily tugged him closer to me, kissing him with all I had, still quite unsure of what was happening right now.

He placed his hands on my shoulders, tilting his head more to the side and deepening the kiss.

"You fucking liar," a voice suddenly growled in the doorway and I immediately pulled away from Brendon, my head hitting the sink. I turned my head towards the door.

Fuck.

--

I wrapped my arms around my knees, my whole body shaking as I sat on the couch. Spencer wrapped a blanket around my shoulders, thinking I was cold, but it didn't help.

The tears ran down my face again and all I wanted to do was hurt myself. Spencer knew that, even though I wasn't able to speak right now. He pulled me into his safe arms, and I dug my head into his chest.

But his safe arms didn't block out the yelling that came from the bathroom. They'd been there for over thirty minutes now, just yelling at each other.

The events in the bathroom was blurry to me, even though it happened just a while back. I remember how Ryan had walked past me, yelling at Brendon. I somehow had gotten up from the floor, and Zack and Spencer had come running into the bathroom. Zack had shot me an angry glare, probably because he was mad at me for causing all this. I didn't blame him.