The Drug I Can't Give Up // A Brallon Fanfiction

Chapter ten /

The second I decided that I would talk to Brendon by the ending of the tour, the days passed by faster than ever. We played the last shows and now we were on our way to the airport. We all were going back home and I was pretty relieved that everyone had booked the same flight. I didn't want to talk to Brendon while being 35,000 feet above the ground.

I leaned my head against the window of the cab, earphones plugged in and yet again, thinking. I was doing that too much these days.

After I spoke to Spencer, he had stayed with me for the rest of the night. He didn't want to abandon me all alone on the bus, even though I told him I'd be alright. He was the first one who didn't buy my lie.

I was thinking about what I would tell Brendon, when I finally would get the guts to talk to him. But I realized it probably wasn't any point of trying to make up a script in my mind, because when I finally stood in front of him, ready to open my heart up, the words would either just slip out in any random order, or they'd get stuck on my tongue and I'd stand there like an idiot.

Spencer was sitting next to me in the cab. His eyes glanced over at me every now and then, searching for my gaze but turning away when I didn't look back at him. I knew he was worrying about me and probably would keep an eye on me now, but that was okay. I wasn't planning on harming myself.

And in all honesty, it was nice having someone who wanted to look out for you and keep you safe. Even though a part of me wished it was Brendon.

Arriving at the airport, we were met by hundreds of fans who came to say goodbye. It was heart warming to see what they did for us, how much they cared. I sneaked a few hugs and snapped a few selfies together with them, before we had to leave to check in our bags.

Now we had to wait for about three hours before the flight would take off and I decided to get some coffee at Starbucks. For some odd reason, Brendon wanted to join me. He asked me if it was okay, and I of course said yes. I could never say no to him.

Before we left, Spencer shot me a look that really could've meant anything. 'Talk to him!' or maybe 'Don't say anything at all'. I didn't know, but didn't really have the time to ask.

We started walking through the airport and passed by small cafés, restaurants and tourist shops. We didn't say much, Brendon just made some comments about the stuff they sold in the tourist shops and I just smiled and agreed. It felt awkward in a way, and I didn't know whether to say something else or not.

When we arrived at the Starbucks café I turned to Brendon and asked him what drink he'd buy.

"Mocha, I think," he had replied and I nodded. At least we had one thing in common, we enjoyed the same coffee.

We moved to stand in line, which wasn't really a line. There was barely any people here.

I felt pretty anxious that I'd have to order my coffee, because I always managed to make a fool out of myself, like messing up a sentence. When it was our turn to order, I opened my mouth to speak but felt the words get stuck in my throat. Great.

My face flushed when the cashier gave me a confused look and looked between me and Brendon.

"Two mochas with extra whipped cream on, please." Brendon suddenly announced and I looked over at him, giving him a little smile as a 'thank you'. He returned it and we sat to wait for our coffees.

I wondered if he knew about my social anxiety, because it definitely seemed like it. We had known each other for a few years, yes, but I'd never told him about it. And by the way he acted, the way he said it, just showed that he knew. Maybe it was just obvious, which wouldn't be surprising. People seemed to see through me and read me like a book these days.

"How'd you know I liked my coffee with extra whipped cream on?" I questioned and Brendon smiled.

"I dunno. I guessed."

The silence laid over us and I bit my lip. Was it time to say something now? Because I definitely wasn't ready.

We exchanged a look and I knew we both were thinking the same thing. I opened my mouth to speak, but as I was about to start, Brendon's phone started buzzing and he had to take the call. I was thankful for that but at the same time I just wanted to get the conversation over with.

I rubbed the back of my neck and stood up from my seat to get our coffees while Brendon spoke on the phone.

"Can I get your names?" The guy asked me and I looked over at Brendon.

"Dallon and Brendon." I replied and he wrote our names over the plastic mugs. Suddenly I got an idea.

"Hey, could I borrow that pen?" I asked as he handed me the two mugs.

He hesitated at first, before shrugging and handing me the pen. I held up Brendon's coffee mug and wrote under his name 'we need to talk. -dal'. I debated whether I should draw a heart as well, but I didn't know if it was too soon to do that, or if I could ever do that, so I skipped and just handed back the pen.

I strolled over to Brendon again. He was still talking on the phone, so I just placed his coffee in front of him. He mouthed a 'thank you' along with a smile which I gladly returned, before I excused myself and left him at the café. He seemed so caught up in the phone call and I didn't want to bother. I wondered who he was talking to.

I found my way back to Spencer and Ian. They were watching some football game at a small bar and I sat down with them. I pretended to be into the game that flickered on the tv as I sipped my coffee, but I was just anxiously waiting for Brendon to storm in and take me aside to talk.

But it never happened. In fact, Brendon was gone until we were about to board the plane, and he came rushing to us while we stood in line. He had finished his coffee, and I wondered if he'd seen my message on the mug. I hoped he had.

We showed our passports and found our seats on the plane. I was by the window, Brendon next to me in the middle, Spencer sitting next to him and Ian and Zack in the row behind ours.

The plane took off and we were on our way back home to L.A. It wouldn't be a long flight, just a few hours. But it was a few hours sitting next to Brendon. I looked over at the boy who had fallen asleep in his seat. I wanted to intertwine our fingers, hold his hand. And I could. Spencer was asleep and Ian and Zack were watching some movie, so they wouldn't notice.

But I was too scared I'd wake him up. I simply leaned my head to the side and watched him as he slept. He looked so peaceful.

I wish I didn't have to do this in secret. I wish I could just stare at him, not having to worry about what anyone thought and when he woke up, he'd smile at me like it wasn't a big deal.

Suddenly Brendon's head whipped to the side, which made me think he was going to wake up. I turned away and looked out the window, but he didn't wake up. He just placed his head on my shoulder and continued to sleep.

I almost teared up. Even if he was asleep and maybe not aware of what he was doing, it still made my heart pound in my chest and my lips curve up into a smile that reached my eyes. I wanted it like this everyday.

I slowly laid my hand next to his and intertwined our pinkie fingers together, looking down at him. His breath was slow and steady, and so was mine. It was such a beautiful moment and I wish I could stay like this for a while, or maybe forever.

I made a promise to myself, that no matter what happened between the two of us, I'd never let him out of my life.