Life After Rehab ✓

[Chapter Thirty-Three] Where They Call A Time Out

Chapter Thirty-Three – Where They Call A Time Out
Julian's Pov

Today was the day.

I woke up, looked at the clock and thought, I should get up, we were finalizing the scenes this week, but I didn't. I knew this movie was delayed because of me and right now I didn't care.

Today was the day and all I could think about was Bailey, I wanted to be with her right now and I wished that I could hold her because although I know we're not together, I know she needs me as much as I need her.

I called my agent and told him I wasn't going in today or tomorrow and I laid in bed ignoring the phone calls until eleven when I decided I should get up and go visit her.

Lacey loved stargazer lilies and yellow roses.

I went out to this flower shop and picked out some flowers that she put together and I headed over to the cemetery, it's been a year since I heard her talk, since I saw her smile, since her laugh graced our ears and I sat in my car looking at the path and I cried, I seemed to do that a lot lately.

She was so beautiful and so full of life and promise and I just wish I knew what happened! It haunted me every day, I just wanted to know why she felt that suicide was her only option and why she felt like she couldn't come to me about it or Bailey or Kylie or Robert or anyone.

It's been a whole fucking year and I still didn't know, I still couldn't figure it out and it bothered me. We only had one life to live and no one should feel that they need to cut theirs short, no one.

I took a deep breath and left the car and I headed down the little path and it was such a lie here.

The trees and flowers gave a false sense of calm when nothing could make up for this, nothing could make up for the fact that our loved ones are dead and buried here and that we're never going to see them again.

I stopped when I saw another body there and debated on if I should leave but then I heard her cry and everything that happened between us seemed so small and insignificant compared to this and compared to the pain that we felt, the first anniversary was the hardest and next month I would go visit Sarah and hopefully come to terms a little more with what happened ten years ago.

Ten years seemed like a long time but it felt like nothing when I still missed her so much.

I approached her slowly and she was lying beside her grave on her side, like she used to in bed when they would lie face to face and talk for hours.

"Hey pretty girl." I said softly and she jumped and sat up abruptly, looking away from me as she wiped at her face

"Oh hi." I hated that she felt embarrassed to be seen like this in front of me I went over and kneeled in front of her, setting the flowers down and grabbing her hands in mine.

"You don't need to hide from me." she was so close, I could smell the mint shampoo and her tooth paste as her breath blew across my face and I admit I looked down at her lips, wanting to taste them and her eyes widened ever so slightly but this wasn't the time for that.

Her eyes watered again and I opened my arms to her which she accepted readily, I fell back on my ass and she was in my lap as she clung to me and I tried to take deep breaths but I couldn't help it either, I cried with her. Her tears soaked my shirt and I ran my fingers through her hair, I missed this so much.

"I miss her so much." She hiccupped as she cried harder.

"I miss her too." I just enjoyed the feeling of her body against mine and hoped that this would be my life again, I wanted this again, I wanted her to be there when I had a bad day, I wanted to hold her when she did.