Life After Rehab ✓

[Chapter Forty-Eight] Where Things Are Assessed

Chapter Forty-Eight – Where Things Are Assessed 
Bailey's Pov

Julian was on suicide watch for three days after he woke up. If we weren't with him, a nurse or doctor was. Robert picked a therapist to do a mental health evaluation and he didn't have to do a stay in a psychiatric ward which was a relief.

Julian had daily sessions with Kate, as she preferred to be called by patients and she said that she didn't think he needed a stay but would reevaluate him again in a month and if he didn't improve, he would have to be admitted for a week stay.

Julian was angry at first, but after talking to him he gave up and he understood.

I just hated that it was like he was being punished for living and it made me increasingly guilty for the things I've said to him since he woke up. He was getting it enough from others and I was the last person he needed to be arguing with or to be talked down to by.

I didn't mean to, I was just so upset by it. As usual though, Julian was beating himself ten times worse than anyone else could and that was why he needed the therapy. He was holding so much against his own self for years and he needed to start letting it go or it was going to destroy him again and my fear is that he'll self-destruct and next time no one will be there to save him.

I'm terrified of losing him and that's why things were going to change.

He spent a total of nine days in the hospital, four unconscious, three on suicide watch and then two more after that to make sure he was physically and mentally cleared to leave. If he wasn't insane by his attempt, he would be if he was forced to spend much more time in this place; he hated it here.

Probably because of his father and he needed years of intensive therapy to work through the damage he caused Julian.

"Can you please just get me out of here?" Julian asked when I came back to the hospital after therapy, something I haven't told Julian I was going to him for because I didn't want him to feel guilty. Robert diagnosed me with PTSD after Lacey and after what happened nine days ago, it's intensified.

"Yeah, you just need to sign more papers and we can go home." I handed them over and he groaned, he was also tired of paperwork.

I tried to think of a way to talk to him about some things as I watched him fill out the past of the papers and I couldn't find the words and suddenly I felt like I was pulled back to yesterday.

I had asked for someone to help me clean up Julian's room yesterday when we got his release date and when we got there, there was more blood than I remembered but too little compared to my memory at the same time. We threw out the bedding and as I tried to scrub the blood from the carpet I started having an anxiety attack and flashbacks.

When I tried standing my knees buckled and I fell back to the floor as my chest tightened. I was sitting on my hands and knees gasping for air and I couldn't open my eyes nor close them. When they were open I saw blood and I saw Julian lying on his bed with his wrist split open from about an inch above his arm to almost his elbow.

He was lucky he didn't hit his brachial artery or he would have been gone before I got there, there would have been nothing I could do.

It was gruesome to see and I feel like I'm going to be sick when I think of having to touch it; it looked like he may as well have split it open with a chainsaw. Larissa tried to calm me down but I was hyperventilating and crying.

I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe and it felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I got flashes of his still body underneath mine as I felt for a pulse, I could hear me crying and screaming echoing in my head. I put my hands over my ears to just try to make it stop, but it didn't.