Life After Rehab ✓

[Chapter Fifteen] Where They Celebrate Little Victories

Chapter Fifteen- Where They Celebrate Little Victories
Bailey's Pov

I felt extremely intimidated by Nia until I found out that well, let's just say she was more likely to try to seduce me than Julian. I wished Lacey was alive, I think they would have hit it off well. I was filled with an immense sadness as I thought about her.

I still haven't read her journal and I haven't been able to bring myself to read her suicide letter to me, it would give me the answers I wanted but I wasn't ready to admit that if she wrote it, it meant she had planned it and it wasn't something she just did.

I felt more comfort thinking that maybe she just broke and made a mistake, it hurt me a lot to know that she sat down and wrote me a suicide letter; that she wrote one to Julian, to her family. It hurt knowing that she thought of all of us but we weren't enough for her to live.

It made me angry to know that she laid there with me that night and made all those plans with me knowing she wouldn't be there, knowing she was lying to me and knowing she was going to kill herself and it killed Julian too.

I wish she would have just said something, if she would have just hinted at it we would have helped her, showed her how much we loved her, how much she had to look forward to in life. I wanted to know why she killed herself but I wasn't ready to know, once I opened that letter and read her journal there was no going back, it couldn't be unknown or undone and at this point I had to focus on myself, I couldn't go down that road yet.

I was alsi afraid that her letter would make sense, that it would make me want to give into all those thoughts too and if it made enough sense, I just might but I know that I can't, life is too precious and I feel so guilty thinking about suicide knowing how bad it has destroyed Julian's life.

I don't know what he would do if I were to do it too, I don't know if he would ever be able to bring himself to trust anyone again and I didn't want to ruin his life or my own any more than I already had.

One step forward.

"Let's go get ice cream." I barged into Julian's apartment and he jumped

"What?" he asked looking up from what he was writing

"Shit, never mind. I'm sorry!" I felt horrified that I interrupted his writing when he's been having such a hard time finding inspiration

"No it's fine, I got a little done but the last hour's been shit." He leaned back in the chair and stretched his arms over his head; it looked like he had been sitting there a while.

"Did I ruin it?" I asked nervously

"No pretty girl." He laughed as he stood up and came over to me to hug me. I had went to group today and out to coffee with Paige, the girl I went with the last time and we hit it off well again and after that I'd been contemplating life and giving Julian space.

"Did you get anything written?" I asked him hopefully

"Yeah, I made some progress."

"Now we really need ice cream." I pulled on his hand

"Why are we getting ice cream?" he asked amused but followed me out to his car and he opened the door for me.

"Because you got some writing done and I have come to a little bit of a better place in life and I think that progress deserves ice cream." I wasn't budging on this, I thought it was a great idea, and ice cream is always a great idea too.

"Alright, ice cream it is." I don't know where we were going but I leaned back and took in the sights, I never was in this area much and so this was all new to me.