Life After Rehab ✓

[Chapter Sixty-Six] Where She Finally Crashes

Soooooo we're going to be getting into some Lacey stuff in the next couple chapters. 
Anyone ready to reopen that emotional wound i caused? [because i'm not. I'm such a bitch for killing her.]

Chapter Sixty-Six – Where She Finally Crashes
Julian's Pov

After my show it took three days to build up the courage to confront her about some things, it also took her three days after my show to completely break down. For those three days I thought about what I wanted to say to her, what I needed to know.

Robert and I talked a lot about what I should bring up to her and when I found her crying in the bathroom I still wasn't ready for it.

"I'm not okay." Was all she said when she saw me. For privacy I locked the bedroom door and I came to her, sitting against the wall by the sink in the darkness. But I already knew that, she didn't know how much I really and truly knew.

"But I still love you." That was the most important thing I needed her to know, along with the fact that I was on her side. No matter what she said or needed, I was with her. We were a team and her hurting killed me.

"I know." She buried her face in my chest and her little body shook; her cries and sobs violently sounded in my ears. But right now, there was nothing I could do but hold her and feel helpless.

"Talk to me, tell me anything. You're my everything pretty girl, nothing you say is going to make me love you less." She shook her head and kept crying.

"I can't." Poor thing tried so hard to stop crying, but the sniffling turned into coughing and she gave up.

"Yes you can. Just tell me something." Anything she could bare to tell me first was something to break in.

"I don't want to relapse, that would kill me." Long sleeves to hide that she's been tearing apart her arms with her nails; I saw that, I knew the feeling.

"You're not going to, you're not alone pretty girl. I'm right here and I'm not going to let anything hurt you; yourself included. It's okay to miss her, to be depressed thinking about her; just don't let yourself stay there." She shook her head again.

"How do I keep going, planning the wedding she always teased me about. I love Kylie, I love Nia; but they aren't her." Suicide caused too much pain in this world.

"No one will be her, she's right here with us and she wouldn't want to see you like this." Lacey always made her feel better; more than I could even.

"So now I'm not allowed to cry because she wouldn't want that? She killed herself! She left me first so I don't give a fuck what she would have wanted." She struggled so aggressively that I couldn't hold her.

"That isn't what I'm saying Bailey. Do we need to push the wedding back a year?" The way she looked at me made me cringe.

"So now you don't want to marry me?" It was so hard not to throw my hands up and declare 'here we go again'. I knew she was emotional; please give me strength to get through this without losing my shit.

"You know that I do. But if you can't talk to me and be open with me, then we shouldn't be getting married. You can't show me that you trust me! You refuse to talk to me about anything important, you won't acknowledge anything to do with Lacey, you've lost too much weight because you're either making yourself sick or not eating.

You're health; mental and physical, is the most important. You wake up crying in the middle of the night and I wake up too often and find you're not there. Your cleaning is way to obsessive and you put on a smile like everything is perfect and it's far from it. If you don't want to relapse Bailey, then I need to know when you want to."