Dear son,
You've grown up. Man, how you've grown up. And I missed it all because I chose an abusive man over you. Why did I let myself do that to you, Jason? Why did I allow him to beat you? Why did I tell him to beat you? I ask myself the same question as I sit in pain just like you had predicted.
It hurts. It hurts just like you hoped it would. I left him. I left your 'father' Jason. I hope that makes you a little happy. If not, I understand. Whatever, how could that make you happy? I chose him and drugs over someone that was so much more than all of that. You were so much more than that.
I was a selfish woman, Jason. And a part of me is glad you left because seeing you suffer was too hard to bare. I was drugged up and I thought I was in love. I was in love with a man who didn't love his family, Jason.
You have a son? I hope that some day I get to meet him. Please let me meet him. Let me show you who I really am. Let me show you the mother I truly am. Do you believe me Jason? God, I hope you do.
Another one on the way? That's amazing. You're someone I'm proud of, Jason. A man. A man with a troubled past. I'm so sorry. I don't know how to say sorry enough, but I can try. Hopefully writing back is a sign.
Here's my number. Please call me Jason. I want to fix things.
Your mother, Pattie.
--
Crying as I read the letter over and over again, I dialed her number.
"Hello?" She spoke. Her voice is so different. Different from what I remember. It's full of life. Something she never carried when I was a child. She sounded happy, like she should have been.
"Mom?" I croaked.
"Jason? Oh my god! Jason is that you?!" She questioned.
"It's me, mom. Come to my house. Please," I was crying now.
She agreed an I gave her my address before hanging the phone up. I sat there and stared at the blank t.v screen.
"Da Da," Kyler came crawling in the living room and sat up on his knees while looking at me.
"What baby boy?"
"Ma Ma!" He pointed towards the stairs and I froze. He said Ma Ma? She hadn't held him in two months, how does he even remember her?
He continued to point towards the stairs and I looked over, only for my whole world to freeze again.
There stood Emily, dressed in a black pencil skirt and a white button down blazer, her stomach sticking out making it noticeable se was pregnant. She should be bigger for being five months but she doesn't eat. Why is she all dressed up? Why is she out of bed and how does she actually look normal again?
"Baby?" I stood up quickly.
"Jason!" She cried and tried to run into my arms as best as she could in those tall heels.
"what is it baby?" I cried with her.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Jason. I'm so so so sorry-"
"Shh...it's okay baby."
She nodded her head before dabbing her tears away and looking at Kyler before picking him up and wrapping him in the tightest hug ever, "mommy is sorry, baby boy. So sorry. She's back now. I'm sorry."
She's back. I smiled.
"Why are you all dressed up?" I took Kyler from her and put him in his high chair. It's time for him to eat.
"I have to go set my teachers room up," she smiled a really big smile.
"Oh yeah!" I cheered and gave her the biggest kiss ever. Our first kiss in two months.
"I'll get something to eat on the way there, okay? I love you," she kissed my lips and gave Kyler's head a chaste kiss, "love you too, baby boy!"
She's back.
