You Said Always

Chapter Four

Peeta's POV:

"Why did you have to be so rude to her!" I yell at Melanie.

"Because from what I had heard about her, she's a b**ch." she yells back. Did I really say only the cons of Katniss?

"Still." I say. "You didn't have to make her so upset." We walk back to the house.

"What about our date?" Melanie asks innocently.

"I'm not up to it to it tonight. I can take you out to a fancy restaurant tomorrow." I assure her. She hesitates, but then nods.

I look back at Katniss's house. I see Haymitch walk out of her front door. Soon after Haymitch leaves, I hear Katniss's screams. My instinct is to run to her and to comfort her, but I'm with Melanie now. She's the one for me.

She's screaming because you broke her heart. My conscience tells me. I try to argue, but it continues.

Prim and her father are dead. You just made her life 2 times as worse than it already was. I hope you're happy. My conscience snaps. I realize he's right, but isn't her mother still alive. I hear an ear splitting CRASH coming from her house. I flinch at the sound. Melanie tightens her grip on my arm.

The walk home is silent. The only thing that we can hear is the whipping wind, hitting our faces.

"What do you want to do?" Melanie asks me, as soon as we open the door to my house.

"I'm just going to go to bed." I say, sighing.

"You're such a party pooper." Says Melanie, sticking out her bottom lip and pouting. I go up to my room and get undressed. I'm left in my boxers.

I crawl into bed, and think about what I had done. I shake the thought away, not wanting to feel guilty.

I can't hear Katniss's screams anymore. I try to go to sleep, but I can't. I turn around in bed until Melanie comes in saying she's hungry. I pull on some pants and a sweatshirt and go down to the kitchen to make some cheese buns.

Cheese buns were Katniss's favorite. My thoughts are interrupted by a knocking at the door.

"I'll get it." I call to Melanie, who's texting someone on her phone. I step up to the door and slowly opening it, not wanting to see Katniss after what had happened before. I open the door fully when I see Haymitch's sober face. (He stopped drinking when the rebellion ended) He walks in without being invited.

"Um, what's up?" I ask. Haymitch turns to me with a scowl on his face. He ushers me into a different room.

"Do you see what you've done to her?" He snarls at me. He doesn't let me answer before saying "You didn't tell anyone that had helped you in the arenas or the rebellion that you had a fiancée." He yells.

"She never loved me!" I shout back. "It was all an act!" Haymitch scoffs.

"You think it was an act when she cried for you, when you were in the Capitol? She called your name after you had nearly killed her, to see if you where okay? You think it was an act when she kissed you to bring you back from an attack? You think it's an act when she wakes up, every night, screaming your name? You think it was an act when she was crying and screaming, right now, because you have a fiancée?" He yells in my face.

"At least she still has her mother." I say sympathetically.

"She's dead." Haymitch mutters.

"She didn't die in the rebellion, did she?" I ask.

"See!" Haymitch screams. "She knew all about your family members, and she was there to comfort you, when they died. You left her alone to cope all by herself, after Prim and her mother had died!"

"But how did she die?" I ask again.

"Suicide. A week after Prim's death." He mutters.

"I hope you're happy for making her heart break, after all she's been through." Haymitch says, pointing his finger in my face. And with that, he left, slamming the front door behind him.

*************************************

Katniss's POV:

I finally decide to go to sleep after deciding to eat. I'm soon woken up by a terrible nightmare. Worse than ever before.

Nightmare-

I hear the screams of Prim, and my mother and father. I find their body's in pile.

"Prim! Mom! Dad!" I scream. I'm soon stopped by the sight of Gale and Peeta, standing over their cold, lifeless body's.

"No!" I scream. All I can do is scream until I wake myself up, I think. I fall to the my knees, and start to scream. There's nothing else I can do.

End of nightmare

My plan worked. I screamed myself awake. I hope to have Peeta's warm arms around my waist, telling me it's going to be alright, but no one comes.

"Mom is dead."

"Dad is dead."

"Finnick is dead."

"Madge is dead."

"Prim is dead and Gale is the one who killed her."

"Peeta has a fiancée and he doesn't love me anymore." I say. Trying to figure out what's real and not real.

I still remember the game "Real or Not Real" squad 451 used to play to help Peeta remember what was real and what wasn't, after being hijacked. I like to play that with myself sometimes. It helps me stay partly sane.

I slowly get out of bed and walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. I grab a water bottle from the fridge.

"Don't forget to lock all the windows and doors." I remind myself. I don't want anyone inside. I grab a razor blade from under the bathroom sink and slip into the tub. I close the curtains so nobody can see me.

I make the first cut into my upper thigh. I decide to write something with the razor, on my thigh. I make the first cut and let my blood drip down the drain.

I end up spelling out "MUTT" across the top of my thigh. I start making small cuts in my arms that spell out Prim, Reen and Michael, who are my mom and dad.

I watch all my blood drip down the drain, and then wash the rest down using the shower head.

I walk upstairs to my room and put on a short sleeved shirt, which I hadn't worn since the beginning of the rebellion, because no one would be able to get inside unless I gave them permission.

I got into bed and just lied there for hours, staring at the ceiling. My biggest thought was "What if I had died like I was supposed to. Eat the berries and everyone would be fine. Prim and my mother would be alive. I wouldn't have to suffer the pain of having Peeta loving someone other than me."

After hours of laying in my bed, I get up to eat something. I might be depressed, but I wouldn't want to starve to death. That would be too slow. If I was going to die, I would probably just run into the woods and grab some nightlock. It would be quick and painless, but I didn't want to die just yet.

My thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. I staggered down the stairs and finally made my way down to the door. I had opened the door to see Peeta.

He gasps as he sees me. I remember I had forgotten to wear a long-sleeved shirt and pants so all of my cuts were visible.

"Katniss I-" he starts, but I interrupt. "Just go home to your fiancée Peeta." My eyes are staring down at my shuffling feet.

"Your arms and legs." Is all he says. He looks into my eyes, speechless.

"Tell me when you started cutting." He demands, and all I do is roll my eyes at him.

"Just go home to Melanie. You don't really care about me. You made that clear when you didn't bother to call or write to me after the rebellion, and then you went off and found someone new to love." I snap.

I look at him and he's just standing there, speechless. He tries to speak, but I cut him off again.

"I really did love you." I whimper before slamming the door in his face, again.