You Said Always

Chapter Sixteen

Peeta POV

I hear Haymitch trying to get me back to reality, but I can't go back. I've broken her. I snap back when Haymitch says,

"She okay."

"She's okay?" I ask, shooting up from off the floor. Haymitch nods, pointing over to her bed. She's laying down so she's facing the ceiling. Tears slowly falling down her face.

"I'm sorry, Peeta." She repeats. Her eyes are glazed over. She's acting like none of us are here. She's just repeating the same sentence over, and over, and over again.

"Katniss," I whimper, shaking her by the shoulders. "It's okay. I'm okay."

"Mr Mellark," One of the doctors calls, but I ignore them. "We're going to have to sedate her."

"No," I yell at him, making everyone jump. "You can't," I say, getting quieter. "She'll be okay. Just let me be alone with her for 10 minutes."

"Well," The doctor starts, but I can tell by the look on his face that he can't say no. "Just 10 minutes." He says softly, finally giving in.

"You better not do anything." Haymitch threatens me, grabbing my shoulders.

"I promise." I say, holding up my hands defensively and pushing Haymitch out the door with the rest of the doctors.

"I'm sorry, Peeta." I hear Katniss whisper.

"Katniss," I say softly, stroking her cheek. "You're okay. You've done nothing wrong to me."

Her eyes become clear again. Today I can read her face. I've never been able to before, but today is different. I can see what she's been through by just looking into her eyes. They're dark and stormy. I see pain, depression, fear, and many more that I can't describe.

"I killed them." She whispers, keeping her eyes locked on the ceiling.

"No you didn't." I argue. "It was not your fault."

"Yes it was," She yells, finally making eye contact with me. "I could've saved all of them. With every death, there was something I could've done to stop it from happening. I should've shot Marvel before he got to Rue. I should've went down and helped Finnick with the mutts. I should've gone into the fog instead of Mags. I should've ran for Prim and been blown up instead. I should've been hijacked and tortured instead of you. The list goes on forever, Peeta." She says, getting quieter each sentence. Her eyes are filled with new tears.

"But they're happier now." I say, trying to convince her.

"Finnick and Mags never got to meet Annie and Finnick's son. Prim never go to become a doctor. Rue never got to see any of her siblings again." She says, staring blankly into my eyes. "I will always have to say sorry. I can never stop. I've caused too much pain for everyone," Tears fall over her eyelids. "You know the truth, Peeta. I'm a mutt. Just like you said."

"But that wasn't me. That was Snow controlling me. He was telling you lies." I say calmly, playing with her hair. I remember how this calmed her down on the roof of the training center before our first games. I slowly climb into the small bed with her, seeing that she won't attack me now.

"How do you know that he wasn't lies?" She asks me, but this time there's no venom in her voice. It sounds like she's peaceful.

"Because you know how many times he's lied to us." I say soothingly. "But you're okay now. He was the mutt. I'll protect you."

"How do I know that you'll protect me. You lied to me too," She says softly, looking up at me innocently. "You said always, but you lied. You left me in that hospital for Melanie. I can't trust anyone anymore, Peeta. I want to trust you, but I can't. Not yet."

And with that, her head falls into my chest. Her slow breathing tells me that she's fallen asleep.

"I won't leave you this time." I whisper.