Lost In Love (vol. 1)

Blowing Hot & Cold

"I still taste you on my tongue

And I still breathe you in my lungs.

And I wish I could stop breaking down

Wish I could love you out loud."

= Love You Out Loud, MEAT LOAF

The bitter air bit sharply at Nate's sweat damp, fevered skin. An instant fierce shiver stuttered through him. His toes turned to ice through his socks as he stepped off the porch and his feet sank in the growing build-up of slushy snow on the wet ground. From a distant past he heard his mom hollering at him that he was gonna catch his death of cold. He ignored the warning and walked out into the falling snow, his stocking feet sopping wet.

A vice-like pressure clamped his chest, squeezing tighter and tighter. Why the fuck had he let Kyle push him that far? He staggered away from the dilapidated porch, his legs shaky from the intense sexual stimulation of going at Kyle so forcefully. His crotch throbbed and ached like a motherfucker, putting him in literal agony. But that was the least of his worries right now.

"Fuck, Kyle." He choked out, turning his face upward, letting the icy flakes land on his fevered cheeks, melting instantly against his hot skin. The hot tears sliding down his temples startled him and he tried to blink them back. The knot in his throat grew harder, thicker, igniting a flood of emotion.

"Fuck!" He cried out into the darkness. The heat in his skin was quickly dissipating and leaving a bitter chill in its place. He shuddered against the cold, his teeth beginning to chatter a bit. But he couldn't go back in there. He couldn't be near Kyle right now. His body still screamed out for the man and his mind was weak. If Kyle so much as touched him...

He dropped to his knees in the wet snow, barely noticing the dampness soaking through the legs of his jeans. He raked his hands over his head and choked on a sob. Why the fuck had Kyle pushed him like that? Why? Even on his worst binge, the guy had never gone this far, not even come close.

The breeze picked up, whipping the snow against his skin. Still he just knelt there, unmoving, his body slowly beginning to numb. But as cold and numb as it became...it did little to cool the fire inside him.

Though it felt like hours, he was sure he had only been out there less than ten minutes when the cabin door opened then banged shut when it refused to catch and latch.

"Nate?" Kyle's voice was unsteady, uncertain as it drifted to him from the porch. "Nate, what the fuck you doing? You're gonna catch pneumonia." There was real concern in the guy's voice but Nate didn't answer or respond.

The falling snow grew wetter, turning to icy rain as it began to come down harder.

Kyle swore softly and Nate heard his feet step down into the slushy snow, then walk towards him. Then Kyle's hand was on his shoulder, burning his skin.

"Come on, man." Kyle said tightly. "Get off the fucking wet ground and come inside."

A burst of rage exploded out of Nate as he swung around at Kyle with his arm and staggered to his feet, stumbling back away from the man. Kyle dodged his swing, barely, and stared at him, both confused and annoyed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Nate?"

Nate stared at him through bleary eyes. Kyle was fully dressed again, except for his feet. Rage boiled inside him. A strangled cry wrenched from him and he lunged forward, grabbed Kyle by the front of his shirt and shoved him back hard against the side of the porch.

"Why did you push me?!" He screamed in his face. "Why did you make me do that?!"

Kyle clutched Nate's wrists, his eyes wide, startled. "What're you freaking out about?" Kyle tried to tear Nate's hands loose but couldn't dislodge the man's iron grip. "Why're you so pissed? It's what you wanted, wasn't it?"