Lost In Love (vol. 1)

Reaching For You, Can You Feel It Too

"Can't breathe whenever you're gone

Can't go back, I'm haunted.

I know, I know, I just know

You're not gone. You can't be gone.

No."

- Haunted, TAYLOR SWIFT

She could see Nate asleep on Kyle's bed, his back to the door, her son's pillow squeezed tight in his arms. Though he was sleeping, a tension gripped his body that refused to let go. Her heart was coming apart; she wasn't just losing Kyle...but Nate as well. If it were truly possible to die from a broken heart, she feared that would be Nate's fate. The life was draining out of him right before her eyes and there was nothing she could do to put that life back. And what she would soon have to sit down and talk to him about was only going to pull out what was left of his heart.

The bedroom swam in front of her as she slowly opened the door wider and carried the tray with the soup, crackers and small glass of milk to the bedside stand and set it down. She touched Nate's shoulder gently.

"Nate? Sweetheart?" She spoke softly. "Hon, you need to wake up and eat something."

Nate shifted in his sleep and squeezed the pillow tighter. "Kyle...?" he mumbled.

Tightness squeezed her throat and she bit her lip, blinking at the forming tears. How could Kyle be lost to them? How could God just take him away like this...when they still loved him and needed him so much?

She swallowed around the thick lump in her throat, and shook Nate's shoulder lightly. "Baby, wake up."

Nate came out of his slumber slowly and, it seemed, with great effort. He glanced around the room with bleary eyes, his face stained with tears. His arms loosened from around the pillow and he turned and scooted up, propped up a bit against the headboard. A shaky breath escaped his as he rubbed his eyes, still damp with lingering tears.

A cry of despair stuck in Janice's throat and she forced it back down. Nate looked so lost, so empty. Between him and Kyle, she had always taken Nate to be the leader, the stronger of the two. But she realized now that they strengthened one another equally. And without Kyle, Nate's own strength was failing fast.

"I brought you some soup." Janice said softly. Nate glanced at the tray with dull eyes, without enthusiasm or even a willingness to eat. "Nate, sweetheart, you can't go on this way. You have to eat. If you don't, you will get sick for real."

The bright light of life that had shown in Nate's eyes since Janice had known him...was dying away. The boy wouldn't survive this; Kyle had been his lifeline so much more than she had realized. How could she bear losing two boys? Were all the beloved men in her life destined to be taken from her?

"Please, Nate." She whispered thickly, biting back her tears. "Please eat. You need food, hon."

Nate looked at her and she could see his desire to be strong for her, and she knew it filled him with guilt that he couldn't be. A part of him surely felt he was letting Kyle down by not showing more strength. But she didn't expect it of him. Kyle was his heart, the love of his life. Janice knew how it felt to lose that kind of love, and Nate had been there to help her get through it, help Kyle cope with losing his father. Now it was her turn to help him survive his pain.

The words she would soon have to tell him floated through her mind like evil spirits.

How can you tell him? It will push him over the edge.

* * *

The idea of touching food to his lips caused Nate's stomach to pinch and twist. He didn't care if he got sick. He didn't care if he died. At this point, it would be a sweet relief. Actual hell surely couldn't be any worse than this living nightmare.