The Same Love (An Eminem Fan Fiction) 2 of 2

Chapter 12

Days seem to love to pass by me, right from under my nose. They moved stealthily. and before I knew it, Jane's birthday was only a few in a days. She was lucky to have an August birthday. Anyway, it felt like it was just a few days before when I was bringing her home from the hospital. Now, she was turning 10.

I was laying down upstairs with Marshall, the tv was on, but we weren't really watching whatever was playing. It was pretty difficult to watch t.v. with both of your lips pressed against someone else. In order words, we were laying down and kissing.

I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, pulling him in deeper in the kiss. His hand rested lightly on my waist, other one circling gently around my cheek. Marshall began pushing up harder against me, kissing me deeper every second. There was some power in me I was trying to summon to stop the coming events, but I couldn't find it. As much as I could crave Marshall, I couldn't draw this on because I knew mentally I would punk out.

One fear that I will carry out through my relationship will most likely be sex. I have been desensitized into thinking that sex was something terrible; it was something I wasn't able to enjoy for the past few years. Instead of pleasure I felt pain, and the only person climaxing was Darron. It was torturous to have to go through inercourse with him, and now poor Marshall got the brunt of that fear.

As his hands creeped slowly up my tang top, I gained enough courage to try and push him off, at least enough to where he noticed and stopped. His mellow eyes suddenly looked up at me, and he pulled away from the kiss. I couldn't get myself to look back, instead, just looked to the side.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked, his hand laying on my stomach.

I knew he genuinely cared and really was asking if he had done something, but I was embarrassed to tell him, embarrased to even know I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"No, no you didn't do anything," I mumbled back.

"Then why can't we...." Marshall trailed away from the sentence, not finishing because we both knew what he would have said.

I shrugged again,"I just don't want to."

His eyes were digging deeper for more of an explanation. I knew he didn't believe me, and I knew he was trying to figure out what was really wrong.

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"

I nodded my head, staring off at the wall while debating whether or not to tel him the real reason I was in no mood to have sex. A part of me really wanted to explain it to him, but another part of me was too embarrassed to admit it.

"Well-" I started.

I had absentmindedly said that, and I really had no intention of telling him anything yey. But now I had to; his eyes were filling with curiosity and he was waiting to hear what I had to say next.

"I haven't had the nicest experience in the past few years," I stated,"Just imagine what it's like with Darron and-"

I couldn't continue anymore. I wasn't choking on tears, just on fear. To have to talk about my past experience with this is very nerve-racking for me. I would be better off never speaking of it again. I heard Marshall sigh very quietly and subtlety. Then, he just pulled me into a warm hug, wrapping his well-built, tatted but soft arms around me. Burying his face very slightly, he whispered into my neck,"I wouldn't do that stuff to you."

I traced semi-circles around his hands and down to his arms. "And besides, I made a promise that I'd keep you safe," he continued on.

My lips suddenly curled up into a smile. I know he would never do anything to hurt me, that wasn't what I was worried of. I was afraid if I tried it would just bring a wave of memories that I didn't need to revisit to crash onto shore. It was no fair to Marshall at all. He lifted his head and turned to face the clock. I kept looking around the room.

"Hey, Daya I gotta go," he announced, jumping off the bed and going to his closet.

"Where?" I laid back down on the bed and back under the covers. The air conditioning in his room was refreshing, but at the same time it felt like a meat locker.

He began taking his shirt off and switching into another, fresher one. He quickly revealed a much more toned abdomen before covering it once more with a t-shirt that had "NWA" written on the front.

"Get my kids," he said.

I had forgotten about that, that he gets his kids every weekend so they could visit.

"Oh, do they know we're back together?" I direct towards him.

He nodded his head. "I haven't spoken to them about it, but I'll tell them today when I pick them up."

Marshall walked over and kissed my forehead. "See you later."

As he stepped out of the room, I laid there thinking. His kids obviously know what happened. What if they hated me for what I did to their dad? What if they hold grudged against me for the pain I caused? I also began wondering, when did they start living back with their mother?