I like having deep conversations about everything that is on our minds and heavy on our hearts; about our fears and insecurities,about everything that makes us humans. And maybe to you they sound like complaints and conversations and stories too sad and too dramatic to tell. So I can't talk to you about them, but I still want to talk to you. So I try to find something worthy ,but nothing ever comes to mind. I start sending a bunch of random messages, with song lyrics that you don't even know they make referrance to you , with a bunch of emoticons that scream " love me " and many more.
So I understand that some problems still can not be fixed, because they are not up to me to fix . They are up to you, because I don't want to change you.
And in silly simple moments like these I realise how much of a dead end this hole confusing relationship is.
Because you ignore them,my random messages. And I need someone to jump in on this train of childish sometimes stupid random silly things and laugh with me. I am not dumb. I am mature , I am serious and yes I am stressed all the time even though you laugh at me, asking me if I have debts to pay or children to raise. But I fight with my demons, with my fears, I am constantly trying to repair and improve myself. I have conversations about that because that's what matters to me, that's what I care about :me and us as humans. So when I start being random and childish it's not always about being a cute type of stupid , it's about how badly I want sometimes to go back to being a kid.
Because that's what I miss the most.
