I know I am running after the wrong things. I know that I somehow make myself believe that these will bring me happiness even though I can feel how unhappy they are already making me. But I still have the hope that somehow if I achieve these goals I can finally be free. With the fear of being blinded ,I am trying to jump in and dive into these deep oceans just so I could find the pearl that I am looking for.
We need to do a lot of what we don't like in order to do the things we do like, as simple as those might be. And I am scared of failing and sometimes the best things I have become the ones that make me the saddest, an inconsistent transition that I can't seem to understand. And that's when I am the most unhappy, I believe. When I know that I have forgotten, even if it's temporarly , how to appreciate the things that I love most and that surround me. And that's when I am the most unhappy, when I am dissappointed in myself, when the flame of my hope candle stops burning for a matter of seconds, as the coldest wind blows through it . I can't help but wonder when the wind will blow out the candle for eternity. But still, I wish that when that happens , it will be when I'll be long gone, so I wouldn't have the feel dead while still breathing.
