And this has been me . This has been me happy , me sad, me twisted in ways I couldn't possibly untangle and this month has been someone that I thought I had left behind a few years ago. Someone who not only did she lose her purpose, but this someone that just bursted into tears because she couldn't find the right words to say.
Man I'm lost. I can't even begin to understand how I ended up here after believing that I had found happiness and balance throughout the past year. My heart feels so heavy and there's this constant pain in my chest that applies just the right amount of pressure to make me feel like crying all the time and any time.
This has been another failure of mine, just another one that I can add to my pile of expected fails.
I don't even know what to say, what to write. I couldn't even think of one word to put on one page this past month.
I just.. I feel ill. This is probably the shittiest thing I have ever gotten to write, maybe something that shouldn't even get to be called a "part" in this book. But this book is me, through my ups and downs and this is a part of me so I guess it should be here, it should be stuck with the rest of whoever I got to be.
Someone please tell me a story.
I would sit in a chair
For 24 hours straight
To talk to someone real.
To get to know you.
To connect.
To breath the same air filled with ciggarette smoke
As you.
And I would rubb my eyes and point my ears and listen
To you.
And I would just look you in the eye and go deeper than appearences
If only you'd allow me.
It would be my honour to dive into an ocean as beautiful as yours.
This is my call
If only someone would pick up the damn phone.
