Strange enough I wrote this more than a year ago, on July 18, 2014.
This goes to my future lover - if i will ever have one haha -.
I wanted to say this.
I don't think that I am like the other girls , I'm not saying I'm special ,but I'm not shallow, I do have a mind of my own. I have my dreams, my hopes,my principals, boundries and a lot of love to give ,but also a heart that it's not willing to let somebody in so easily in order to prevent scars, wounds, because nobody wants to be hurt.
No, I have not had my heart broken by some guy I thought I was in love with head over heels, but you know why I did end up with a scared heart ?, scars caused by things that I have never admited they hurt, wounds that became my secrets and my insecurities,that made me numb?
I have lost people. People so close and some yet so far have gone, left on paths that are never going to lead them back here, on this world, in my world. I have been wishing for someone that it's going to heal me, to heal the old wounds with love and happiness and if they leave I am aware of another scaring, but while he leaves one trail , one proof of love, he healed another dozen . That's why I am willing to trick my heart into letting somebody in, because it's worth it. It's worth being loved and loving others ,because the risk of getting hurt it's one that I'm willing to take. For me the love given and received in each relationship it's a trade. A trade that it's promising me happiness so I wouldn't feel like a china doll: empty.
So you, my "future lover " if you are sick of me, don't stick around and let us fall apart because you feel sorry for me or for what we had, because you pity. Go, leave , but say hello to me when we randomly meet on the street. Act normal, like you normaly do with a person for whom you once had feelings. You want to leave me? Do it, don't think about the hurt you are striking me with, think about the love, respect,apreciation,hugs,kisses, laughter, that you have given to me until then , so you will be aware of the much good you have brought into my life.
Be true to yourself about who you are, about what you want, about who you think I am, and then be true to me and tell me all.
