Finding A Home part 2

Chapter 20

I woke up in the middle of the night with nightmares screaming. I was having panicking attacks on and off but Ally always calmed me down telling me the vivid dreams aren't real and we're okay. The last scream woke Stevie up though. You could hear her hussle.

She used her hands to stop herself at the door. Panicking she had asked if everything was alright. Without speaking she seen Ally holding me,realizing I was safe. But not okay.

"Don't scare me like that." She had said taking me from Ally's arms to her. Her chin layed on my head as she stroked my hair,repeating the words 'we're okay' and 'we have you'.

"She's been having nightmares all night."

"I'm so sorry sweetheart. Here,how about we all go into the living room and pull out the futon so we all sleep there? Would that help? Us all together?"

"If you guys could sleep in there?"

They got covers and pillows for it. Ally had sat out a candle and Stevie had told me it help keep the dark thoughts away. The dream catcher in the room would let the good dreams through too, she had mentioned. In all honesty once we all layed there I was out like a light. I'm not sure I had dreamed any at all,it was peaceful that way,I loved it.

We went to a dinner that morning in our pajamas. Ordered the most fattening food possible.

"So,wedding?"

"Honestly we aren't sure if we're even going to have one." Ally stated quickly

"I mean, I love her, she loves me. We have the rings. I'm not sure we have the time. Or if we want to go through the trouble."

"Guys what are you talking about? Are you all insane? We didn't fight for gay rights to have you two not get married."

"Well,something is always in the way Nicole. Why would we need a wedding to prove our love anyway?"

"That's not what I'm saying. Ally you're lying to me if you don't say you want that wedding cause that's all you talked about before."

"Well,we've been through a lot and we just need time right now. Please drop this and talk about something else. Anything else." Stevie harshly stated

Back at the house I couldn't stop thinking about the wedding. How it ending is my fault. How I could've ended the chance of Ally's perfect ideal wedding. So I went outside with Ally for a smoke and decided to talk to her alone.

"We're not at the diner anymore. So why no wedding. Really. Before everything you were so excited for it. Yiu could hardly wait. You thought about eloping."

"That's the key word before. Before you were in a coma. Before Stevie needed to be watched almost constantly because one hard hit to the head could take her away from me. Before I realized her over protective isn't even close to what I thought it was. I love her. I'll always love her it's just.."

"No. Stop" I interrupted "Allison Hills. This sounds a whole lot like you're losing love for her to me? I know you love her,or at least you did. You didn't have to tell me,you sound more like you're talking for yourself."

She was speechless.

"You know. I didn't realize it. But I might be. I might be falling out of love with Stevie Boebi."

"Alls... I know we might have been through some shit but I though that's only brought us closer? Or at least what I have hoped. I mean she shot my dad... I should be afraid to be in the same house as her. Then I remember I was strangling my father out of fear. Not fear for myself but of what he'd do to you guys. I had the power to do the same thing. She did that for me. Afraid that he'd only do worse,to all of us. Did she have to go out and take a gun? No,but it was instinct. Flight or fight,we fight. She felt threatened. Like this family could tare apart."

"Maybe it already is kid. Maybe it already is."

"Hey,what are you girls talking about?" Stevie says smiling going to take a drag from Ally's ciggerat.

"Nothing,just taking a smoke break." Ally said so convincingly it stung.

Lying to Stevie was never that easy for her to do,even about the smallest things. It was the hardest thing for her to do and now it looked like it was second nature.

Stevie seems fine though? Is it the same on her end? Or she acting fine for my benifit,and Ally is trying to talk to me because I'm the only she can talk to?

Whatever it is,I'm not happy about this. Yes I know I have a huge family now,but this is my emdiat family. The one I go home to. The rest is aunts and uncles , distant cousins , ect cetera. Besides if this splits apart,certain people will never be in the same setting again.

That's not even the worst part. I feel like they're divorcing. My family is splitting apart.

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So I know I'm really really bad at updating and I'm sooooo sorry for that. I'm wanting to update all my stories more regularly. So if there's a specific day of the week you'd like me to update on comment below. Or if you have a nice idea on scheduling cause I am currently writing two stories. Also,thank you for all the love and support I can't get enough of it. Even simple comments make my day.